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Hey Man,

Hope you enjoyed the first post on getting that special girl, and if there’s anything more you’d like to learn send me an email or post a comment on this blog and I’ll try and answer it on here for ya.

The issue of nervousness and anxiety talking to a stunning woman is a big problem, I know, I’ve been there before, yet there is a solution, and amazingly it can be learned in just a few minutes.

The first thing you must realize is that the problem is not that you don’t know what to say. I’m quite sure when you are with friends out and about you talk with them, you don’t sit there all nervous thinking things like “oh do they like me? Am I being cool enough? What do I say?” You simply say what you want to say and do what you like, and this is the first key to finding the right words when talking to the girl you like.

You see, it’s all up there in your mind, all those amazing stories, fun things you’ve done in your life, great things to talk about. You simply need to somehow get it out of your mind and verbalize those thoughts. To do this you need to do what is known as “thinking outside your head” or “being in state”, it’s where you stop thinking about anything at all and just start talking. When you live outside your head you start becoming less dependent on the result or outcome of what you said and you start being yourself.

The hard part is taking that first step, in fact it’s the hardest part of all, for once you turn off that little internal voice that is constantly telling you things you really don’t need to know, it’s a nice downhill slide into what I like to call happy joy joy land, that place where you get this high just from the experience of just being around beautiful women and you start to feel almost euphoric. Yep you probably experienced it last you had a major crush on a girl, remember how it seemed like every time you locked eyes you had this tingly good feeling. Imagine that all over again with the volume turned to 11.

To get into this state you must first hear that voice inside your head. Next time you’re talking to a girl do this: listen to yourself think, think about what you’re thinking about and realize what you are doing. You will find you probably have a lot of negative self talk going on in there, and it is this self talk that is causing you to feel the nerves and anxiety you feel when talking to women. Once you can finely tune in on the emotions you are feeling and realize what your brain is saying to you (generally things like “don’t screw up” or “don’t say that, that’s stupid”) you are ready for the next step.

Ok this step is probably best done with girls other than the one you like, for you will screw up, but the screw up is not a bad thing, it’s a learning process and you learn 100x from getting rejected by a girl than you do by not doing anything. The next step is to tune out all this negative self imaging and start saying ANYTHING that comes to mind, I don’t care if you just thought your toenails need clipping, just say it out loud! The point is not to become cool instantly; the point is to start living outside of your head. When you start blurting out everything without a second thought you will notice your mind shifts from constantly thinking about everything and overanalyzing situations, to simply being in the moment and coming along for the ride, rather than controlling your actions. Only once you start living outside your mind can you start to become a cool guy who knows exactly what to say, if you are still thinking inside your head you will still have that bad self talk telling you not to say anything at all and you will get nowhere.

After you have gotten outside of your mind and started to experiment with just saying anything you can start the next step, Self Amusement. Simply look at the person you’re talking to and start laughing, you don’t even need anything funny to laugh about, just make yourself laugh at absolutely nothing. If they ask what it is, laugh harder and start to shake your head like you’re saying no, at the same time telling them “Oh I can’t do that, you’ll stop doing it and I won’t have my source of amusement for the day”. This is the beginning of self amusement and once you have mastered the act of just making yourself laugh with anything you can instantly get in state at any time (more explained on this phenomenon later). Doing something in order to simply amuse yourself rather than others is extremely attractive to women and incredibly fun for you. The key here is to amuse YOURSELF, you are not trying to make her laugh you are simply having fun and poking fun at her. Keep practicing this self amusement with everyone you know, just doing silly things and laughing at them, if they don’t laugh with you WHO CARES, it’s more fun when you are having all the fun and pretty soon they will want to join in too.

Ok so now you think outside your head and can self amuse, what’s next? We’ll the next step is to put all this together and start doing it at the start of every conversation with a new girl you meet, even if you don’t know them from a bar of soap. Crack up laughing and do silly things (pull faces, make fun of things they are doing/wearing, whatever), what this will do is get you *in state* and being in state is one of the most powerful things ever.

When you are in state you are on a sort of high where you feel invincible (kind of like being drunk) and when you get into this state because of the immense amount of positive happy energy you are giving off, you can almost do no wrong. Imagine it being like that fun drunk dude you always see at the bar/party that is going around high fiving people and having a blast, be that guy (using the above methods) and have an awesome time no matter where you are or what you’re doing.

Once you can get into this state through self amusement and just having fun you will notice something magical, you start to realize that you can say just about anything and people will respond positively to it. It is at this point that you will realize that it really doesn’t matter what you have to say, it’s how you feel and how others feel about you at the time you say it. You can make the best joke in the world when you are not in state, being a normal everyday guy, and it may bomb, yet say a lame joke when you are in state and watch everyone crack up laughing. It’s really cool when you first experience this because it’s at this point that you finally start to realize you don’t need fancy lines or pickup tactics to get women, all you need is to be yourself in a happy, excited, fun state, doing what you want to do and caring little about what others think about you. For when you think about it, everyone is too busy worrying about what others think about them to think about others, so do what you like and simply have fun.

Finally once you have started using this ability to get in a fun, enjoyable state easily, do it when you are around the girl you’re interested in and you will notice her attraction spiking immensely. Every girl wants a fun, exciting guy to be with, be that man and the girl you desire will be all over you.

Stay tuned for Part 3: “Making the Move on the Girl, without breaking your friendship” in the coming days.

Cheers,

– Solace

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There are 7 core traits that every women love in men, and unfortunately 99% of guys don’t know about ANY of them, if you do, we’ll done, you’re a superstar amongst mere mortals.

Applying just one or two of these golden rules will have you with the ability to attract any women you desire, yes even that one you’ve had your eye on for quite some time, they key here is actually doing them, not simply reading then going back to World of Warcraft.

So what do they want?

To Be Approached
Most guys have this weird mental talk inside their heads that tells them “oh she just wants to be left alone, she wouldn’t want to talk to me” Rubbish! All Women desperately want a cool fun guy to just come up to them and sweep them off their feet, and the more guys they talk to, the more chance they have of meeting this perfect guy? Make sense? Good, onto the next rule.

A Strong Man
No I’m not talking about having huge guns. I’m talking about the kind of guy that knows what he wants, can be independent and survive without his girl and can make her feel safe and free from harm. Girls want a man that will make decisions when they are needed and will take care of her when out clubbing together. Coming right along with this is one of the other best traits to have:

Be a Leader
Women love leaders! Whether they be those high up in power, or rock stars leading an entire culture of music. You don’t literally have to be a leader of a group to be thought of as a leader, all you merely have to do is act like one. Take charge of your life, don’t let others push you around and make your own decisions on what you want to do.

A Sexual Beast
Comes without saying that women really do want a *Man* in the bedroom, not some sissy little boy. Placing yourself as the best source of sexual pleasure in a women’s mind is very very powerful. It’s hard to teach sex skills though a book so I’m going to say go ahead and learn the other 9 traits, then once you start getting laid like a rock star (no really you will be), come back and read this tip:

Incredible sex tip literally no guys know about:

Be More Dominant!

Seriously! Try it tonight if you have a girlfriend, or the next time you are with a women, act like the guys in porn movies (well sometimes they do go a bit extreme, don’t actually physically hurt her) and really rock the house, I’m 100% sure you will be very surprised to learn that 99% of women won’t freak out when you throw them against the wall and start making out, she will love it!

A Man with Ambition
Who really wants to date a guy who sits around on the couch watching TV, eating Twinkies all day? Or a World of Warcraft Addict? If you don’t have anything you are currently striving for then start here, you will never get any girl if you have no goals or ambitions in life, oh and aim big; guys that are striving to become a CEO are just as awesome as actual CEO’s.

A Man with A LIFE
If you rarely venture outside the house, get outside now! Do something, explore the world, and have things going on outside of your dating life. You don’t have to be a world professional snowboarder to be appealing, simply have a few hobbies you love, work you enjoy doing and go partying once in a while. A Girl never wants to be the sole center of attention to a man, they want guys who can give them a fun and exciting time, not the other way around. This ties in well with the next incredibly appealing trait:

Someone Fun!
Get out there, have some fun, go clubbing and make new friends, don’t go play soccer if you have no interest at all, but do find things that do interest you that you can meet new people at, even if it’s a gardening club, be interesting and do interesting things and you will forever have a plentiful supply of women who want to join your fun and eventful life.

There are 3 more very advanced ways to get girls lusting over you within just minutes of meeting you, as well as far more in depth knowledge on the above 7 traits in the free ebook, if you feel you’re ready for very advanced training (and please don’t download it if you’re not, you might get a bit freaked out), then go ahead and enter your name and email on the right and start reading and becoming *The Man*

Cheers,

– Solace

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Since starting LetsInspire I’ve noticed that there is a serious abundance of guys out there who have ‘this one girl’, the one amazing girl who eclipses all others in every sector of life and they *must* have. Because this is such a huge problem I’ve decided to dedicate create a full series to help all guys stuck in a similar rut.

If this is you, and you would really like a certain someone special to be in your life then listen up closely, I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you:

The good news is that you can have any girl you want.

The bad news is that you must realize this and live this reality of being able to date and attract any girl, which means not chasing just one girl. Confused? Don’t worry, all will be revealed.

Today I’m going to teach what is known as an abundance mindset, it’s a way of going about life where you simply know there are millions of women out there and there are always more fish in the sea. It is that amazing plateu up in the sky where you realize, unlike the majority of guys, that you don’t need just one girl, you also feel that sense of peace knowing that if the girl you desire doesn’t like you back, your life isn’t over, in fact when you have this mindset you’ll probably bounce back happier than ever.

The Abundance Mindset

The Abundance mindset is in my opinion, the most crucial skill you can ever have in attracting women into your life, whether you simply want to attract one girl, or date hundreds. Having a mindset of complete abundance just has a huge effect on your life in every area, especially with women. No longer do you have to feel there is only one girl for you, or your life is over. No longer will you live in fear of rejection or screwing up.

An Abundance mentality is where you know there are over 2 million women just in your city alone! And over 3 billion worldwide, and with that you realize that you have limitless potential, you are never ever going to run out of women to talk to, or have relationships with, and more than likely there is always going to be a better girl out there for you. When you start to realize this you become less attached to that *one girl* and you start to realize the potential in women all around you.

It is at this point that women notice you becoming more of a lone warrior, a man who doesn’t need women for validation, and they start becoming more attracted to you. You will probably also notice the girl you’re interested in becoming far more interested in you than before when you were clingy, needy, and attempting to please her in every way.

Believe it or not I actually used to have a belief about women that many men seem to have, and it went something like this “I don’t want to talk to or flirt with other women because the one girl I’m interested in will then become upset and not want to talk to me, and I will never have a chance with her”.

I can tell you right now that this belief is completely and utterly false. Never in my life have I had that happen to me or anyone else I know. In fact nearly every single time I’ve seen a guy flirt and date more than one girl at once, each girl thinks “We’ll this guy is fun and interesting, and I think he may be seeing other girls, I don’t want that, I want him to be ALL MINE!”, and they start working harder than ever in an attempt to show off how good they are, seeking his validation and attempting to appease him, rather than the other way around.

So how do you actually go about building this abundance mentality? We’ll the easiest way by far is… to have an abundance of women in your life. Now the great thing about this is that it doesn’t have to be girls you’re dating, in fact, you don’t even have to know them; you simply need to talk to a lot of women. Talk to them on the train/bus, waiting for the train/bus, at work, at school, out at pubs/club, at the shops.

You know who the best women to talk to are? The friends of the girl you like. Not only do you get to meet more women (who knows they may even be more amazing than the girl you like), but the girl you have feelings for will see that you’re not completely social awkward and will even start becoming jealous of her friends getting along with you, then will want to know you better too.
The reason why you need to talk to them is that when you are actually talking to them they sort of become *real*. While before when you are simply observing women they seem like objects outside of your reality, like they are on TV or in the movies, and when they are outside of your reality they aren’t contributing to your abundance mindset.

Once you start talking to women of all walks of life every single day you start to notice just how many of them there are around you, and you also begin to see that perhaps there are even more amazing girls than your *one special girl* out there for you. If there aren’t (and please don’t say “Oh there aren’t any girls as amazing as this one” if you hardly ever talk to other women) then of course you can always have your one special girl, and she will love you more than ever for not treating her like you’re her slave or her love puppy that hangs around constantly being clingy and annoying.

It really is hard to imagine having this mindset when you don’t have it already, and you may feel some resistance to thinking this way, as you still have this feeling that your one special girl is better than every other girl out there. Let me tell you as someone who’s been in the same position of having this one girl that I loved and adored who never loved me back for over 2 years; it’s amazing how much different life is after adopting this abundance mentality. Since I lost touch with that one special girl I’ve since met and dated many many equally or even more special girls who all are amazing in different ways, and I’d have to say I feel far, far happier now than I ever was when I was chasing that one girl.

So get out there, talk to other girls and start to realize that you can have any girl you desire, it is completely counter-intuitive but it is by far the best and easiest way to gather interest from that girl that desires you.

I’ll talk to you again with “Part 2: Getting over Nervousness and Knowing exactly what to say” in a few days.

Cheers, Solace

Technorati Tags: Abundance Mentality, abundance mindset, oneitis

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First ever video! Wewt! Sure it’s not a hollywood production, but I thought video would be a much better way for you to learn and hopefully it helped me get the message across far better than just text.

If you have any questions or comments feel free to list them below or give me an email at solace@letsinspire.net, Don’t forget to subscribe on the right for more awesome free information and videos if you haven’t already, and enjoy!

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Are you feeling on top of the world right now? Feeling incredibly successful and enjoying life to the max? If the answer is no, I’ve got something quite shocking to tell you, success isn’t going to change that.

Its funny that often people equate success to being happy “oh if I had a threesome, then I’d be happy”, “If I could have 5 girls on the go, dating them all at once, then I’d be really happy”. It’s seen even more in the world of finance “all I need is another $5k a year, then I can afford anything I really want…”, once they get that pay rise, they want another, and another, it just never seems to fulfill them.

The truth is, these images of a grand future are only holding you back from being happy now. You will realize as so many others have done, once you actually make it to that point in your life that you’ve always wanted to be at, it really doesn’t fulfil you. Sure you may get a temporary high after your first threesome, just like you do after getting an unexpected cheque or a pay-rise at work, however after a while it really just doesn’t feel all that special anymore. It starts to become the daily routine and that happiness you thought would stay around forever begins to disappear. So you start looking at foursomes and a nice new Porsche believing that they are the way to extreme happiness for the rest of your life, and so the brutal cycle continues, true happiness only being that mirage, just a few steps away.

Once you arrive at a location, even if its a location you’ve always wanted to be at your entire life, it often doesn’t feel quite like you imagined. In fact, usually it just feels normal to be there and you start to see a new location that you really want to be at. This happens in every area of life, from relationships, to health, to wealth. In fact health is actually one of the biggest yet no one really notices. Often you ask people how they are on a scale of 1-10 with their health and it barely ever comes out to above an 8. Why is this? It’s because when you stop having problems, you generate them yourself, it add’s a bit more excitement in your life per-se and you have a new goal to work on. Most people always seem to have something wrong with them because of a placebo effect, their brain can’t tolerate being perfectly healthy and as such they start to feel a mild headache, pains in some random joints, itches over their body etc. Problems just seem to appear unexpectedly just when they think they are 2 steps away from being healthy.

Now you may think I’m being a bit depressing here, but there is a reason for this. You see, we can use this knowledge to our advantage, it can be used in a sort of reverse psychology kind of way to pull us towards the things we want. Not only this, once you realize that external events aren’t going to make you happy, you can begin to work on yourself, becoming happier and more positive in the present, rather than always thinking of your future or past.

Have you ever wondered why you go through extreme emotions (often incredibly happiness) when drunk? It’s because when you are drinking, you are no longer thinking about the past, or the future, you are simply living in the moment. When you live in that moment you forget about all the bad things in life and simply enjoy whats going on around you, you feel euphoric that the club/party is so amazing and when you wake up the next morning you think “damn that was a good night, now back to the daily grind…”. Little do many realize, if you stick in the moment just like when your drunk, every day can be exciting and wonderful, without the use of alcohol! Just live in the moment, and enjoy whats happening right now, appreciate what you have and be grateful that you have the freedom to choose.

You may also notice that when you have a bit to drink you seem to have a much better time with women. It’s working on the same theory, you’re not thinking about all your past failures with women, and your not worrying about whats going to happen in the future with these girls you are talking to. Your simply stuck in the moment having fun with them and enjoying your time together. You have no regrets, you have no fantasies about what you may get up to later which make you nervous (actually you may still have these ;)), you just have a good time out and enjoy yourself. The girls see you are genuinely having fun with them in the moment without external motives and they love you for that.

As you realize that its not the alcohol that is causing you to do better with women or have a more fun time, but merely your mindset, you can start to use this to your advantage. Next time your out with friends or talking to women just stick in the moment, try as hard as you can to not think about the past or the future, but simply sit there and say what you feel. Enjoy the time with her without worrying about will she give you her phone number/kiss/sex or not and just have fun. At the start this will be very very hard to do, turning off that little voice of the past that has been around forever is difficult, but the more you do this, the better you will get. Eventually you will discover as I have myself that you no longer need alcohol to have a fun night out and because you’re no longer drinking you can think clearer and no longer act like “just another drunk guy coming to chat up the girls”. It’s sad when I go out and see so many guys feeling they need to spend over $100 on drinks just to be able to talk to a girl and have a fun time with her, because they can’t find a way to be in the moment any other way.

Overall just enjoy your life as it is, look at goals as things to strive for, but don’t tie your happiness to them. They feel great as accomplishments it is satisfying to work towards them, but if you are not feeling amazing right now, it’s not going to come from another pay rise. Stop looking at that greener grass on the other side of the fence and start enjoying what’s on your side, for there is someone out there who would consider your life simply brilliant.

Have fun,

– Solace

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Are you dating women in order to bring them more happiness and joy? Or mainly to bring yourself more happiness and joy? If it’s the latter, it’s going to be a tough uphill struggle. If perhaps its not for your own happiness and joy, but rather an attempt to satisfy your ego, then you’re setting off on the wrong path from the very start.

Many men learn how to get better with women in order to fill a black hole they feel inside themselves. Generally it’s an in-balance in other areas of their life, perhaps they don’t have as many friends as they would like, or they don’t get enough love and care from their parents. If you’re a guy like this, who feels incomplete at the moment, you’re going to need to plug this hole. Women desire a guy who’s life is complete without them, they want a guy who is stable, strong and does not need anything from them. If you ever feel you need something from a girl (whether that be sex, love and care, or more excitement), you’re not where you should be, for you won’t get very far if you need something from them. If you feel you want women in order to give them a better, more exciting life then you’re coming from the right location and going to go far.

Perhaps you just want to be better with women to show off to your mates how cool you are. This is a common occurrence I see in a lot of guys, they simply want validation from their friends that they are a cool guy, not some chode. Yet this validation is destructive in nature, for when you get that little ego boost, your ego becomes stronger, more powerful and in need of more and more validation. After a while when you start making out with girls in a club, eventually bringing some of them home, you will start to get ego inflation.

You can imagine ego inflation like filling a balloon. As you add more and more air to a balloon it expands, just like your ego as you receive more and more validation. But what happens when you remove some of that water again, say one hot girl isn’t interested in you and you don’t get the validation that your a cool fun guy? We’ll, the balloon contracts again and you feel that ping of loss, then you start to feel down and upset. Your game starts to suffer because of this ego deflation from the next girl seeing your deflated state and rejecting you, and so the vicious cycle continues.

It also starts to happen when you first go out for a night, if your ego is inflated you often feel you must do good this night, however due to the random nature of women this is rarely the case. As soon as the first girl rejects you, your night starts going bad, and you start the downhill roll.

This constant need to validation will continue forever unless you make a change to the way you see the world, for even the best guys with women will have some women not like them, its simply the nature of the game, and it ruins your night even more when you get to that level because you’re simply not used to being rejected or have a girl not like you.

Now if we remove the ego from the equation and start to meet women in order to provide them with a fun night out rather than satisfy your own desire for validation, you start to see that although you don’t get those slight emotional boosts, your skills constantly improve and you will gain enjoyment just being around women and having an exciting time with them. If you are there in order to impress girls and get them to respond to you, you won’t have nearly as much fun as if you are there to give them an amazing night out. Women with all their amazing intuition can also pick up on this, they know when you want to give them some entertainment, or if you’re there to simply receive validation and satisfy your own ego.

You’ll often find your friends are just as much validation seekers as you are. They also want to be thought of as cool, fun guys. Hence why they all group together in their own little secret society when out clubbing, instead of talking to the many beautiful girls all around them. Guys try and gain validation from other guys, even the leaders want their friends to laugh when they tell jokes and respond in different ways to different stimulus. So try acting differently around them next time you see them and observe what they do. If you start reacting differently (in fact not reacting at all is best), you will notice a shift in them as they try harder and harder to seek validation and response from you. Of course there are some guys out there who are so secure in themselves that they don’t seek or need validation and if you have friends like that, keep them, for they will be the ones who don’t put you down, or turn against you in order to satisfy their own ego.

Guys who don’t need validation are few and far between, women already know and can feel this. To silence your ego and turn off validation seeking requires hard work but the rewards are far worth it. Not only will you be able to freely talk to women at any time, anywhere and not care about rejection or humiliation, you will be free from needing to always look cool and be on top of your game, for it really doesn’t matter.

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Your ego is both inspiring and full of deceit, on the surface it appears to be helping you, it gives you small boosts of gratification when you succeed and that helps keep you going, however on the flip side it is also one of the biggest hindrances you will face in life. You see your ego just wants you to be safe, to have fun and to be the best, however what it doesn’t realize is that failure can be a good thing. In fact, your ego hates failure, it loathes nothing more, and this is where most people go wrong in their career, health and relationships.

Your ego hates failure so much that it puts up protective barriers against it, it makes you feel bad when you aren’t the best looking, smartest, most charming guy around. It is the reason why fat people hate going to the gym, often the fear of other people judging them and their ego being damaged because of that holds them back from going. It is also the reason many weightlifters lift heavier weights than they should, they get an ego boost from these bigger weights and feel good because of it, even if they are damaging their body when they can’t lift them with the right form.

Consequently this also applies to attracting women, your ego doesn’t like you failing, being rejected or making a fool of yourself, so you play it safe, you do safe things that nobody around will see or notice, and you try to blend in with all the other chodes picking up women. You Never rise above the rest because your ego tells you public humiliation is bad.

To separate yourself from your ego is a liberating experience, you can freely do what you like without worrying about prejudice, about others judging what you do, about girls or guys thinking bad about you for screwing up. In fact, if you dump your ego entirely you will see massive gains in every area of life, for you will no longer be trying to pick up women to prove to your friends how much of a cool dude you are, but rather talking to women to give them a fun night out and amuse yourself, not impress others.

So how do you go about removing this ego? We’ll for a start over the next week keep listening to your thoughts, if you catch yourself thinking about whether someone else likes you or not stop! Just cut that thought out and attempt to never think it again. If you catch yourself comparing yourself to others then stop! don’t ever think like that, and if you ever think of doing something then think “no maybe x will think I’m stupid”, ignore that thought and do it anyway.

Separating yourself from your ego means separating yourself from comparisons with others, don’t compare how many girls you’ve had/muscle size/your salary to other guys, don’t care about what others think of you, and especially don’t stop doing what you want to do because someone else may not like it.

It’s hard because we’ve been brought up a society that values comparisons, we have charts and graphs showing school performances, we have IQ tests, we have salaries for various jobs and comparisons between multiple positions. In fact most of many people’s existences is based around comparing themselves to others and only feeling good when they are better than other people. If you ever feel good because you’re better at something than someone else, stop it! Everyone always has someone better and worse than them, and comparing yourself to others will only deter you from your real goals.

Set goals for yourself, and don’t build them upon what others have done Every person is unique and has their own take on life. Do what you want to do, if getting to 60KG from 50KG is your goal, awesome, that’s a great goal, if your goal is to be bigger than the kid down the road its not so great. Others can still serve as inspiration of course (I know I want to be as big as Arnie someday), but don’t feel let down if you’re not there yet, just keep going, working on that goal and continue getting there. Negative emotions from not bulking up or loosing fat fast enough will only deter you from what you really want and when you hit a plateau your ego will probably put you off all-together.

Your ego can keep you going when the going is easy, but that’s all it will do. For when you hit a stale point your ego will feel the drain from lack of success and cause you to give up hope, even if you are only 10% away from your goal. When the going gets tough you need to learn to put your ego aside and be able to tap into your intelligence, which will help you get over those speed-bumps in life and be the man you really want to be.

Your ego is based on emotions, not logic, hence why it is so hard to control. But you will realize over time that it becomes easier and easier the more you ignore it when it’s holding you back and start using your logic and intelligence instead. The question is, do you want instant ego satisfying gratification, or to endure a slight bit of ego pain for huge lifelong improvements?

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Fear is a common culprit for most if not all of the problems we as men face with dealing with women. I know you and I both have fears over all the different aspects of pickup, from just walking up and saying those first few words, to getting a girls phone number, kissing a girl, having sex or even keeping a relationship alive and dealing with jealousy and attachment. At the root of most of these fears is what is known as a scarcity mentality, yet on the surface it doesn’t appear to be so.

I often hear guys say they can’t walk up and talk to a girl because they don’t know what to say. This is not true, for just walking up and simply saying hi to a girl and going from there is a great way to start a conversation. It’s the mindset that if they screw up with this girl there are very few others left to seduce which causes feelings of anxiety and a feeling of “I have to get this girl”. The simply truth is you really don’t need all these fancy opening lines and “pickup lines” in order to meet and attract women, you just have to realize a few simple truths about reality.

A Scarcity mentality is where you feel there are very women in the world for you, and it generally comes in two forms. The first is “the one” girl, that girl you pine over day and night and can’t get her out of your head, the girl you believe is the only woman for you, that she is the best woman in the world and no other girls can even compare to her. I’ve heard it many times before from many many guys, telling me “oh but this girls soo special, I don’t want to be seeing other girls in case she gets upset” or “I just don’t think there are any women as good as her out there”, before they have even kissed her. If you’ve ever thought this way I’ve got bad news for you: this is a self destructive mindset that will only end up pushing the girl you desire further and further away.

Now the second type of scarcity mentality is the one experienced when talking to random girls in a club/bar/on a train etc. It’s the thought that with each failure your running out of options. Or that other people may see you talking to her and talk about you behind your back, then that rumour will spread from girl to girl until eventually they all know about your antics. In all truths this is never going to happen and you are never going to run out of girls to talk to (unless you live in a town in the middle of nowhere with 100 people, if you do, get out of there quickly and get into a city), you probably already realize this logically, however just “getting it” emotionally will take a fair bit more work.

Now an abundance mentality is the complete opposite of a scarcity mentality. It is where you realize that there are many many women out there for you and you will never run dry. Thus you never think there is this one girl that you must have, nor do you get overly attached in a relationship, and it is exactly what girls are looking for in a guy. Now not being attached does not mean your not loving, I love my girlfriend to bits and do show it, but I still have that mentality that if she ever cheats on me or does something equally bad I will dump her and can easily find another girl without a problem.

Having an abundance mentality also means most if not all of your fear of things such as talking to women you’ve never met, or asking them out on a date completely evaporate. Generally the main fear a guy has is that he will screw things up by asking her out, kissing her too early etc. If you have a true abundance mentality you will realize that if you screw up with her there are a million more girls standing right behind her waiting for you. You start to feel at ease and gain a feeling of self worth when you realize that you will never run out of women. Even if you screw up your chances with a different girl every single day for the next 10 years, you will still not have screwed up with 99.997% of your local city population, there are seriously more woman than you or I can handle out there.

So how do you go about gaining an abundance mindset? It seems many guys go about this the wrong way. Most guys simply work on the logical part of their brain, meditating, reading over notes and more, attempting to get it into their head that there are many women out there. This is the wrong way to go about it, just as reading about picking up women but not actually going out there and doing it is the wrong way to go about learning how to attract women. To get into an abundance mindset you first need to acquire abundance.

This poses a problem for the majority of guys that have had very little female experience. I’ve seen the same problem occur time and time again, and I’ve even done it myself. The problem is when you start getting good with women and finally attract a girl you like, you decide to settle down with her, before exploring your options. This is by far the worst way to go about dating, for you will learn as I did that when you only have one girl, you still aren’t sure if you are really good with women or if you just fluked it. This eats into your mentality and you start to realize that maybe if this girl leaves you you will never find love again. It creates all kinds of problems, from jealousy to being too attached in the relationship, and in the end, it often drives the girl away.

To get this abundance mindset and be free from fear for the rest of your life, you need to do the following: You NEED to see at least 3 or more girls at the same time. Now you also need to tell them you are seeing other girls, if they don’t like it and break up, so what? go out and find more. Once you have 3 or more girls that you are constantly seeing (not just every now and again but sleeping with and having as constant girls), you will notice a shift in yourself. You will notice that you start to become less attached to these girls and you realize that if one breaks up, you’ve still got 2 more and can get more girls anytime. You realize that it doesn’t really matter if you have a quarrel with any of them for if any of the girls start turning into the bitch from hell you can dump them. This is the true way to achieve an abundance mentality, by having an abundance of women around you, and this mentality will constantly stick for the rest of your life.

Of course dating 3 girls at once isn’t an easy task, but if you promise me you won’t get into a full on relationship until you have achieved the constant 3 girls I guarantee you will eliminate your fears with dealing with women and you will feel more at ease and free than ever. If a girl tries to tie you down early, who cares, tell her no and keep working on getting those 3 girls. For if you jump into a relationship early without having the experience of abundance in your life, you will still have a scarcity mindset and you will still have fear and jealousy working against you constantly in any relationship you are in.

Have Fun,

– Solace

Technorati Tags: Abundance Mentality

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I can see it now, you tried your hardest to make it work but she just seemed to get more and more distant, unfortunately you never saw it coming, that dreaded day when for no reason it all she decided to dump you. I understand how much it hurts, I’ve been there before and it’s never good, especially when you don’t believe you’ve done anything wrong. But let there not be despair, for you can win back her heart, although it’s not the way most people teach or understand, for often what you think will win her back only drives her further away.

Generally there are 2 reasons for a breakup, the first is to go out the back door, where she loves but hates you at the same time, maybe you were too arrogant or treated her worse than she deserved. The second way is the way most guys often cause the breakup, and that’s going out the front door, being too overly nice, letting her walk all over you, and being incredibly clingy and needy. Now society often tells us if we want to win a girl back, buy her flowers and chocolates and show how much you love her. Unfortunately this method of getting a girl back ONLY works if you went out the backdoor and treated her badly. If you went out the front door this WILL NOT WORK, no way, no how, you’re just doing more of the thing she hates, how could that possibly make her want to take you back?

If you went out the front door there is hope, but its going to take a lot of willpower and most likely isn’t what you want to hear, however, pay attention for if you don’t take heed and decide to buy her flowers instead… well… there’s not much hope for ever getting her back into your life.

So you’re still with me here? Good. To start off with, you need to reframe the situation, don’t think of it as getting her back, you need to reverse the situation in your mind to imagine that it’s her that wants to get back into your life, I know its hard, but it works and as soon as you start thinking and really believing this, she will feel it and start feeling it too.

Now one of the worst things you can do when your trying to get her back is beg/plead or complain to her, for its going to send her running far far away. Don’t call her all the time (in fact don’t call her at all unless its to arrange a meetup, which is explained later), and especially don’t try and *bump* into her at work or something, 99% of the time when I see guys try and do that they are so completely obvious and see through about it.

Before you even think about getting her back make sure you have figured out what the problem was that drove her away and fix it. Now never ask her why she broke up (or at least don’t take that as a valid answer) because whatever reason why gives is nearly always not the truth, she is lying to protect you from the cold hard realities of real life, it sucks, but its true. Usually the main things they come up with are either

• Want to concentrate more on their work/studies
• Not looking for a relationship right now
• They accuse you of being too uncaring/unloving

All of these are completely and utterly false (and I’m sure if your reading this far you’re definitely not an uncaring/unloving person). Most usually the top 3 reasons for her wanting to break up are either:

• You were being too clingy/needy
• You were letting her walk all over you
• You weren’t being an alpha male

Yep, pretty much all relationships which end because you go out the front door involve one or more of those reasons. You need to discover what it is your doing (were you calling all the time, wanting to hang out constantly, not giving her time to miss you, what was it?) and fix it BEFORE you even attempt to talk to her again.

So now you’ve got that handled what do you do next? We’ll the next thing to do is fill your life up with stuff, join a club, play a sport, take up an instrument, join a gym (joining a gym is a really good idea actually, releases endorphins that help out a lot with breakup blues and you get better looking for her or the next girl that comes along) anything you like. Not only will this take your mind off her but it gives you something to talk about when you meet up with her again, and it appears that your moving on with life and not pining over her anymore (which she will like). Plus the less time you have to spend with women, the more time they want to spend with you.

Next up is the meetup, don’t try and meet up with her one on one to discuss your *feelings* and how you long for her again yada, yada, yada, she’ll appear to sympathize with you for all of about 30 minutes then as soon as you’ve finished, she will walk away and decide she never wants to see you again, and I can 100% guarantee that.

To meet up with her invite her out for something with a group of your mates (and get her to bring friends along too if she likes). Then when you have a meetup treat her just like any other friend, joke around, have fun and tease her a little as if shes your little sister who you like to pick on and have fun with. This will get her wondering “wow he really has moved on with life… maybe I still do like him”, or at the very least it won’t push her away. Also If there are other girls out with you flirt with them a bit (don’t do it just to get a reaction from your ex, just have fun) and your ex will catch on and if there is any inkling of love left in her she will start to feel jealous, and as we all know, jealousy works wonders.

Now sometimes she may not want you back and this has no effect at all, if so not much is going to help and your best bet is to move on and see other women, which in itself isn’t such a bad thing, you may find a girl 10x better than your ex.

If she does show signs of interest, don’t try and make moves or go all soppy on her at the first sign, act like a man, pretend its nothing and make her work to win you back. You’re the prize here that she’s trying to get back into her life, so act like one, play hard to get and she’ll soon be back in your arms.

Most of all don’t ask her out one on one until your completely 100% sure she’s into you again, don’t act like you did before getting all clingy and needy and wanting to see her all the time, and definitely don’t start buying her diner/flowers etc just because she’s back in your life, you should be the prize she wants, not the other way around.

Try it out now and if it doesn’t work out, don’t sweat it, there are plenty of resources here on letsinspire that will allow you to attract any women you desire and with 3 billion women out there, as much as you think there aren’t, I’m 100% sure there are plenty more amazing women out there for you. Just keep living an awesome life, seeing other women and if you’re meant to be with your ex forever, something will happen to bring you together again, if not, it just wasn’t meant to be.

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You’re a polite individual. You say please and thank you, and treat people with decency and respect. However, for some reason this does not seem to have a positive influence on your social life – in fact, quite the opposite. You still feel awkward around your peers, tongue tied where others speak freely in social situations, and find the girls of your dreams walking straight past you, into the arms of the biggest jerk in the world.

Don’t worry. You’re not alone in your confusion. The difficulty you’re having comes from a misconception in what constitutes politeness itself.

Polite is not just what we generally accept it to be. There are, in fact, two forms of politeness.

The first is demonstrated in this exchange:

“Brenton, could you please pass me the salt?”
“Here you are”
“Thank you very much”
“You’re welcome”

This exchange demonstrates the first type of politeness. Being polite by following socially appropriate conventions of what is generally understood as ‘politeness’. It is often referred to as Positive Politeness. The mistake that so many make is thinking that this is the only legitimate type of politeness. This though, is a mistake. Observe the following exchange:

“Oi, chuck us the salt”
“Get it yourself you lazy bastard”
“Piss off, chuck us the salt”
“No. Get some exercise and grab it.”

At first this seems rude. However, if the two individuals are just friends engaging in light banter, we understand that no offense is meant. In fact, they are actively being polite to each other. This is called Negative Politeness.

To be polite we show respect to those we address. The first scenario demonstrates that we respect a person through using language that identifies them as being considered worthy of respect.

The second type of politeness is more useful to those we are socially intimate with. It demonstrates that we respect an individual through the way in which we use their own language, and willingness to treat them with a casualness that defines them as an equal.

What, though, does this mean for you? This answer is: Lots.

When you are meeting new people, potential friends, potential romantic partners, you are looking to develop a relationship that is on some level, intimate. This is why you have to use the second level of politeness.

Have you ever watched popular guys talking with people they’ve just met? There’s no messing around. They go straight in, handshake, pat on the back, whatever, launching straight into conversation like they’d known the new person for years. This forms bonds straight between the two of them. If you approach every new person with caution and distance then you may never cause a major social offense – but neither will you make close friends quickly. Caution and distance help you to develop cautious distant relationships. Acting friendly and forthcoming helps you develop friendly and forthcoming relationships.

Remember how I mentioned that the biggest jerk in the room seems to get the girl? Now you know why. There might be a difference between being a nice guy acting friendly with everyone, and just being a jerk and not caring who you crush into the dirt, but the difference is rarely obvious in social situations. If you don’t make friends with the pretty girl, then she’s just going to get dominated by the moron who knows all the moves to get into her pants.

Newsflash: Beautiful girls DO NOT NEED ANY MORE GROVELERS! They have plenty of them. They are used to the first level of politeness being the norm. You need the second level to get their attention. Remember what you’re trying to do here – develop an intimate relationship (strong friendship or romantic). You would never treat your mates as though they were better than you. As tempting as it may be, the same applies for lovely ladies – always stay as an equal, not treating them as a Goddess. Jerks succeed at this because they have no regard for the value of other people, so they never treat anyone as being valuable. You however, can do this because you have class.

OK, so, lets go over the main points.

• Politeness as treating others as equals NOT as superiors. If you act socially like someone is above you, they will treat you like you’re below them. This is a lose-lose situation. If you act as an equal, you will be considered and treated as one.
• Be a friend NOT an acquaintance. We gather up acquaintances all through our lives, and most of them are fairly replaceable. Nobody wants to put effort into keeping acquaintances, so don’t act like one.
• Be insulting NOT complementary. This is a bit tricky. When I say this I don’t mean directing unflattering comments about the shape of the head of the first person you meet. I mean two things – firstly, don’t be afraid of playful banter. Friendships thrive on being able to take a joke and give as good as they get. Secondly, don’t overdo the compliments. People will either get tired of your flattery (and possibly suspect you of being a stalker) or take it to heart and consider themselves way out of your league. Neither of these is good. At all.
• Be reckless NOT cautious. It’s always tempting to feel out a situation before you act. However, while you’re busy working out if you should ask the girl of your dreams out or not while tentatively trying to gather a signal from her as to whether you should, the girl of your dreams is loosing faith in the hope that you will ever ask her out, and moving on to stupid jerk guy. Just act, move in, say something, be noticed. Unless you do, you might as well be a part of the furniture.
• Be a Rock Star NOT a Groupie. Beautiful girls have enough Groupies swarming to ogle them. What you need to be is a rock star, confident, public, fun, chatty (but not blabbering).

So, you don’t have to stop being polite for social and romantic success. You just have to remember that politeness is more that following specific social rules and regulations. It’s a way of putting others at ease and showing them you respect them. And, for goodness sake, enjoying it.

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