Lets Inspire

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Are you feeling on top of the world right now? Feeling incredibly successful and enjoying life to the max? If the answer is no, I’ve got something quite shocking to tell you, success isn’t going to change that.

Its funny that often people equate success to being happy “oh if I had a threesome, then I’d be happy”, “If I could have 5 girls on the go, dating them all at once, then I’d be really happy”. It’s seen even more in the world of finance “all I need is another $5k a year, then I can afford anything I really want…”, once they get that pay rise, they want another, and another, it just never seems to fulfill them.

The truth is, these images of a grand future are only holding you back from being happy now. You will realize as so many others have done, once you actually make it to that point in your life that you’ve always wanted to be at, it really doesn’t fulfil you. Sure you may get a temporary high after your first threesome, just like you do after getting an unexpected cheque or a pay-rise at work, however after a while it really just doesn’t feel all that special anymore. It starts to become the daily routine and that happiness you thought would stay around forever begins to disappear. So you start looking at foursomes and a nice new Porsche believing that they are the way to extreme happiness for the rest of your life, and so the brutal cycle continues, true happiness only being that mirage, just a few steps away.

Once you arrive at a location, even if its a location you’ve always wanted to be at your entire life, it often doesn’t feel quite like you imagined. In fact, usually it just feels normal to be there and you start to see a new location that you really want to be at. This happens in every area of life, from relationships, to health, to wealth. In fact health is actually one of the biggest yet no one really notices. Often you ask people how they are on a scale of 1-10 with their health and it barely ever comes out to above an 8. Why is this? It’s because when you stop having problems, you generate them yourself, it add’s a bit more excitement in your life per-se and you have a new goal to work on. Most people always seem to have something wrong with them because of a placebo effect, their brain can’t tolerate being perfectly healthy and as such they start to feel a mild headache, pains in some random joints, itches over their body etc. Problems just seem to appear unexpectedly just when they think they are 2 steps away from being healthy.

Now you may think I’m being a bit depressing here, but there is a reason for this. You see, we can use this knowledge to our advantage, it can be used in a sort of reverse psychology kind of way to pull us towards the things we want. Not only this, once you realize that external events aren’t going to make you happy, you can begin to work on yourself, becoming happier and more positive in the present, rather than always thinking of your future or past.

Have you ever wondered why you go through extreme emotions (often incredibly happiness) when drunk? It’s because when you are drinking, you are no longer thinking about the past, or the future, you are simply living in the moment. When you live in that moment you forget about all the bad things in life and simply enjoy whats going on around you, you feel euphoric that the club/party is so amazing and when you wake up the next morning you think “damn that was a good night, now back to the daily grind…”. Little do many realize, if you stick in the moment just like when your drunk, every day can be exciting and wonderful, without the use of alcohol! Just live in the moment, and enjoy whats happening right now, appreciate what you have and be grateful that you have the freedom to choose.

You may also notice that when you have a bit to drink you seem to have a much better time with women. It’s working on the same theory, you’re not thinking about all your past failures with women, and your not worrying about whats going to happen in the future with these girls you are talking to. Your simply stuck in the moment having fun with them and enjoying your time together. You have no regrets, you have no fantasies about what you may get up to later which make you nervous (actually you may still have these ;)), you just have a good time out and enjoy yourself. The girls see you are genuinely having fun with them in the moment without external motives and they love you for that.

As you realize that its not the alcohol that is causing you to do better with women or have a more fun time, but merely your mindset, you can start to use this to your advantage. Next time your out with friends or talking to women just stick in the moment, try as hard as you can to not think about the past or the future, but simply sit there and say what you feel. Enjoy the time with her without worrying about will she give you her phone number/kiss/sex or not and just have fun. At the start this will be very very hard to do, turning off that little voice of the past that has been around forever is difficult, but the more you do this, the better you will get. Eventually you will discover as I have myself that you no longer need alcohol to have a fun night out and because you’re no longer drinking you can think clearer and no longer act like “just another drunk guy coming to chat up the girls”. It’s sad when I go out and see so many guys feeling they need to spend over $100 on drinks just to be able to talk to a girl and have a fun time with her, because they can’t find a way to be in the moment any other way.

Overall just enjoy your life as it is, look at goals as things to strive for, but don’t tie your happiness to them. They feel great as accomplishments it is satisfying to work towards them, but if you are not feeling amazing right now, it’s not going to come from another pay rise. Stop looking at that greener grass on the other side of the fence and start enjoying what’s on your side, for there is someone out there who would consider your life simply brilliant.

Have fun,

– Solace

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Are you dating women in order to bring them more happiness and joy? Or mainly to bring yourself more happiness and joy? If it’s the latter, it’s going to be a tough uphill struggle. If perhaps its not for your own happiness and joy, but rather an attempt to satisfy your ego, then you’re setting off on the wrong path from the very start.

Many men learn how to get better with women in order to fill a black hole they feel inside themselves. Generally it’s an in-balance in other areas of their life, perhaps they don’t have as many friends as they would like, or they don’t get enough love and care from their parents. If you’re a guy like this, who feels incomplete at the moment, you’re going to need to plug this hole. Women desire a guy who’s life is complete without them, they want a guy who is stable, strong and does not need anything from them. If you ever feel you need something from a girl (whether that be sex, love and care, or more excitement), you’re not where you should be, for you won’t get very far if you need something from them. If you feel you want women in order to give them a better, more exciting life then you’re coming from the right location and going to go far.

Perhaps you just want to be better with women to show off to your mates how cool you are. This is a common occurrence I see in a lot of guys, they simply want validation from their friends that they are a cool guy, not some chode. Yet this validation is destructive in nature, for when you get that little ego boost, your ego becomes stronger, more powerful and in need of more and more validation. After a while when you start making out with girls in a club, eventually bringing some of them home, you will start to get ego inflation.

You can imagine ego inflation like filling a balloon. As you add more and more air to a balloon it expands, just like your ego as you receive more and more validation. But what happens when you remove some of that water again, say one hot girl isn’t interested in you and you don’t get the validation that your a cool fun guy? We’ll, the balloon contracts again and you feel that ping of loss, then you start to feel down and upset. Your game starts to suffer because of this ego deflation from the next girl seeing your deflated state and rejecting you, and so the vicious cycle continues.

It also starts to happen when you first go out for a night, if your ego is inflated you often feel you must do good this night, however due to the random nature of women this is rarely the case. As soon as the first girl rejects you, your night starts going bad, and you start the downhill roll.

This constant need to validation will continue forever unless you make a change to the way you see the world, for even the best guys with women will have some women not like them, its simply the nature of the game, and it ruins your night even more when you get to that level because you’re simply not used to being rejected or have a girl not like you.

Now if we remove the ego from the equation and start to meet women in order to provide them with a fun night out rather than satisfy your own desire for validation, you start to see that although you don’t get those slight emotional boosts, your skills constantly improve and you will gain enjoyment just being around women and having an exciting time with them. If you are there in order to impress girls and get them to respond to you, you won’t have nearly as much fun as if you are there to give them an amazing night out. Women with all their amazing intuition can also pick up on this, they know when you want to give them some entertainment, or if you’re there to simply receive validation and satisfy your own ego.

You’ll often find your friends are just as much validation seekers as you are. They also want to be thought of as cool, fun guys. Hence why they all group together in their own little secret society when out clubbing, instead of talking to the many beautiful girls all around them. Guys try and gain validation from other guys, even the leaders want their friends to laugh when they tell jokes and respond in different ways to different stimulus. So try acting differently around them next time you see them and observe what they do. If you start reacting differently (in fact not reacting at all is best), you will notice a shift in them as they try harder and harder to seek validation and response from you. Of course there are some guys out there who are so secure in themselves that they don’t seek or need validation and if you have friends like that, keep them, for they will be the ones who don’t put you down, or turn against you in order to satisfy their own ego.

Guys who don’t need validation are few and far between, women already know and can feel this. To silence your ego and turn off validation seeking requires hard work but the rewards are far worth it. Not only will you be able to freely talk to women at any time, anywhere and not care about rejection or humiliation, you will be free from needing to always look cool and be on top of your game, for it really doesn’t matter.

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Your ego is both inspiring and full of deceit, on the surface it appears to be helping you, it gives you small boosts of gratification when you succeed and that helps keep you going, however on the flip side it is also one of the biggest hindrances you will face in life. You see your ego just wants you to be safe, to have fun and to be the best, however what it doesn’t realize is that failure can be a good thing. In fact, your ego hates failure, it loathes nothing more, and this is where most people go wrong in their career, health and relationships.

Your ego hates failure so much that it puts up protective barriers against it, it makes you feel bad when you aren’t the best looking, smartest, most charming guy around. It is the reason why fat people hate going to the gym, often the fear of other people judging them and their ego being damaged because of that holds them back from going. It is also the reason many weightlifters lift heavier weights than they should, they get an ego boost from these bigger weights and feel good because of it, even if they are damaging their body when they can’t lift them with the right form.

Consequently this also applies to attracting women, your ego doesn’t like you failing, being rejected or making a fool of yourself, so you play it safe, you do safe things that nobody around will see or notice, and you try to blend in with all the other chodes picking up women. You Never rise above the rest because your ego tells you public humiliation is bad.

To separate yourself from your ego is a liberating experience, you can freely do what you like without worrying about prejudice, about others judging what you do, about girls or guys thinking bad about you for screwing up. In fact, if you dump your ego entirely you will see massive gains in every area of life, for you will no longer be trying to pick up women to prove to your friends how much of a cool dude you are, but rather talking to women to give them a fun night out and amuse yourself, not impress others.

So how do you go about removing this ego? We’ll for a start over the next week keep listening to your thoughts, if you catch yourself thinking about whether someone else likes you or not stop! Just cut that thought out and attempt to never think it again. If you catch yourself comparing yourself to others then stop! don’t ever think like that, and if you ever think of doing something then think “no maybe x will think I’m stupid”, ignore that thought and do it anyway.

Separating yourself from your ego means separating yourself from comparisons with others, don’t compare how many girls you’ve had/muscle size/your salary to other guys, don’t care about what others think of you, and especially don’t stop doing what you want to do because someone else may not like it.

It’s hard because we’ve been brought up a society that values comparisons, we have charts and graphs showing school performances, we have IQ tests, we have salaries for various jobs and comparisons between multiple positions. In fact most of many people’s existences is based around comparing themselves to others and only feeling good when they are better than other people. If you ever feel good because you’re better at something than someone else, stop it! Everyone always has someone better and worse than them, and comparing yourself to others will only deter you from your real goals.

Set goals for yourself, and don’t build them upon what others have done Every person is unique and has their own take on life. Do what you want to do, if getting to 60KG from 50KG is your goal, awesome, that’s a great goal, if your goal is to be bigger than the kid down the road its not so great. Others can still serve as inspiration of course (I know I want to be as big as Arnie someday), but don’t feel let down if you’re not there yet, just keep going, working on that goal and continue getting there. Negative emotions from not bulking up or loosing fat fast enough will only deter you from what you really want and when you hit a plateau your ego will probably put you off all-together.

Your ego can keep you going when the going is easy, but that’s all it will do. For when you hit a stale point your ego will feel the drain from lack of success and cause you to give up hope, even if you are only 10% away from your goal. When the going gets tough you need to learn to put your ego aside and be able to tap into your intelligence, which will help you get over those speed-bumps in life and be the man you really want to be.

Your ego is based on emotions, not logic, hence why it is so hard to control. But you will realize over time that it becomes easier and easier the more you ignore it when it’s holding you back and start using your logic and intelligence instead. The question is, do you want instant ego satisfying gratification, or to endure a slight bit of ego pain for huge lifelong improvements?

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Fear is a common culprit for most if not all of the problems we as men face with dealing with women. I know you and I both have fears over all the different aspects of pickup, from just walking up and saying those first few words, to getting a girls phone number, kissing a girl, having sex or even keeping a relationship alive and dealing with jealousy and attachment. At the root of most of these fears is what is known as a scarcity mentality, yet on the surface it doesn’t appear to be so.

I often hear guys say they can’t walk up and talk to a girl because they don’t know what to say. This is not true, for just walking up and simply saying hi to a girl and going from there is a great way to start a conversation. It’s the mindset that if they screw up with this girl there are very few others left to seduce which causes feelings of anxiety and a feeling of “I have to get this girl”. The simply truth is you really don’t need all these fancy opening lines and “pickup lines” in order to meet and attract women, you just have to realize a few simple truths about reality.

A Scarcity mentality is where you feel there are very women in the world for you, and it generally comes in two forms. The first is “the one” girl, that girl you pine over day and night and can’t get her out of your head, the girl you believe is the only woman for you, that she is the best woman in the world and no other girls can even compare to her. I’ve heard it many times before from many many guys, telling me “oh but this girls soo special, I don’t want to be seeing other girls in case she gets upset” or “I just don’t think there are any women as good as her out there”, before they have even kissed her. If you’ve ever thought this way I’ve got bad news for you: this is a self destructive mindset that will only end up pushing the girl you desire further and further away.

Now the second type of scarcity mentality is the one experienced when talking to random girls in a club/bar/on a train etc. It’s the thought that with each failure your running out of options. Or that other people may see you talking to her and talk about you behind your back, then that rumour will spread from girl to girl until eventually they all know about your antics. In all truths this is never going to happen and you are never going to run out of girls to talk to (unless you live in a town in the middle of nowhere with 100 people, if you do, get out of there quickly and get into a city), you probably already realize this logically, however just “getting it” emotionally will take a fair bit more work.

Now an abundance mentality is the complete opposite of a scarcity mentality. It is where you realize that there are many many women out there for you and you will never run dry. Thus you never think there is this one girl that you must have, nor do you get overly attached in a relationship, and it is exactly what girls are looking for in a guy. Now not being attached does not mean your not loving, I love my girlfriend to bits and do show it, but I still have that mentality that if she ever cheats on me or does something equally bad I will dump her and can easily find another girl without a problem.

Having an abundance mentality also means most if not all of your fear of things such as talking to women you’ve never met, or asking them out on a date completely evaporate. Generally the main fear a guy has is that he will screw things up by asking her out, kissing her too early etc. If you have a true abundance mentality you will realize that if you screw up with her there are a million more girls standing right behind her waiting for you. You start to feel at ease and gain a feeling of self worth when you realize that you will never run out of women. Even if you screw up your chances with a different girl every single day for the next 10 years, you will still not have screwed up with 99.997% of your local city population, there are seriously more woman than you or I can handle out there.

So how do you go about gaining an abundance mindset? It seems many guys go about this the wrong way. Most guys simply work on the logical part of their brain, meditating, reading over notes and more, attempting to get it into their head that there are many women out there. This is the wrong way to go about it, just as reading about picking up women but not actually going out there and doing it is the wrong way to go about learning how to attract women. To get into an abundance mindset you first need to acquire abundance.

This poses a problem for the majority of guys that have had very little female experience. I’ve seen the same problem occur time and time again, and I’ve even done it myself. The problem is when you start getting good with women and finally attract a girl you like, you decide to settle down with her, before exploring your options. This is by far the worst way to go about dating, for you will learn as I did that when you only have one girl, you still aren’t sure if you are really good with women or if you just fluked it. This eats into your mentality and you start to realize that maybe if this girl leaves you you will never find love again. It creates all kinds of problems, from jealousy to being too attached in the relationship, and in the end, it often drives the girl away.

To get this abundance mindset and be free from fear for the rest of your life, you need to do the following: You NEED to see at least 3 or more girls at the same time. Now you also need to tell them you are seeing other girls, if they don’t like it and break up, so what? go out and find more. Once you have 3 or more girls that you are constantly seeing (not just every now and again but sleeping with and having as constant girls), you will notice a shift in yourself. You will notice that you start to become less attached to these girls and you realize that if one breaks up, you’ve still got 2 more and can get more girls anytime. You realize that it doesn’t really matter if you have a quarrel with any of them for if any of the girls start turning into the bitch from hell you can dump them. This is the true way to achieve an abundance mentality, by having an abundance of women around you, and this mentality will constantly stick for the rest of your life.

Of course dating 3 girls at once isn’t an easy task, but if you promise me you won’t get into a full on relationship until you have achieved the constant 3 girls I guarantee you will eliminate your fears with dealing with women and you will feel more at ease and free than ever. If a girl tries to tie you down early, who cares, tell her no and keep working on getting those 3 girls. For if you jump into a relationship early without having the experience of abundance in your life, you will still have a scarcity mindset and you will still have fear and jealousy working against you constantly in any relationship you are in.

Have Fun,

– Solace

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I can see it now, you tried your hardest to make it work but she just seemed to get more and more distant, unfortunately you never saw it coming, that dreaded day when for no reason it all she decided to dump you. I understand how much it hurts, I’ve been there before and it’s never good, especially when you don’t believe you’ve done anything wrong. But let there not be despair, for you can win back her heart, although it’s not the way most people teach or understand, for often what you think will win her back only drives her further away.

Generally there are 2 reasons for a breakup, the first is to go out the back door, where she loves but hates you at the same time, maybe you were too arrogant or treated her worse than she deserved. The second way is the way most guys often cause the breakup, and that’s going out the front door, being too overly nice, letting her walk all over you, and being incredibly clingy and needy. Now society often tells us if we want to win a girl back, buy her flowers and chocolates and show how much you love her. Unfortunately this method of getting a girl back ONLY works if you went out the backdoor and treated her badly. If you went out the front door this WILL NOT WORK, no way, no how, you’re just doing more of the thing she hates, how could that possibly make her want to take you back?

If you went out the front door there is hope, but its going to take a lot of willpower and most likely isn’t what you want to hear, however, pay attention for if you don’t take heed and decide to buy her flowers instead… well… there’s not much hope for ever getting her back into your life.

So you’re still with me here? Good. To start off with, you need to reframe the situation, don’t think of it as getting her back, you need to reverse the situation in your mind to imagine that it’s her that wants to get back into your life, I know its hard, but it works and as soon as you start thinking and really believing this, she will feel it and start feeling it too.

Now one of the worst things you can do when your trying to get her back is beg/plead or complain to her, for its going to send her running far far away. Don’t call her all the time (in fact don’t call her at all unless its to arrange a meetup, which is explained later), and especially don’t try and *bump* into her at work or something, 99% of the time when I see guys try and do that they are so completely obvious and see through about it.

Before you even think about getting her back make sure you have figured out what the problem was that drove her away and fix it. Now never ask her why she broke up (or at least don’t take that as a valid answer) because whatever reason why gives is nearly always not the truth, she is lying to protect you from the cold hard realities of real life, it sucks, but its true. Usually the main things they come up with are either

• Want to concentrate more on their work/studies
• Not looking for a relationship right now
• They accuse you of being too uncaring/unloving

All of these are completely and utterly false (and I’m sure if your reading this far you’re definitely not an uncaring/unloving person). Most usually the top 3 reasons for her wanting to break up are either:

• You were being too clingy/needy
• You were letting her walk all over you
• You weren’t being an alpha male

Yep, pretty much all relationships which end because you go out the front door involve one or more of those reasons. You need to discover what it is your doing (were you calling all the time, wanting to hang out constantly, not giving her time to miss you, what was it?) and fix it BEFORE you even attempt to talk to her again.

So now you’ve got that handled what do you do next? We’ll the next thing to do is fill your life up with stuff, join a club, play a sport, take up an instrument, join a gym (joining a gym is a really good idea actually, releases endorphins that help out a lot with breakup blues and you get better looking for her or the next girl that comes along) anything you like. Not only will this take your mind off her but it gives you something to talk about when you meet up with her again, and it appears that your moving on with life and not pining over her anymore (which she will like). Plus the less time you have to spend with women, the more time they want to spend with you.

Next up is the meetup, don’t try and meet up with her one on one to discuss your *feelings* and how you long for her again yada, yada, yada, she’ll appear to sympathize with you for all of about 30 minutes then as soon as you’ve finished, she will walk away and decide she never wants to see you again, and I can 100% guarantee that.

To meet up with her invite her out for something with a group of your mates (and get her to bring friends along too if she likes). Then when you have a meetup treat her just like any other friend, joke around, have fun and tease her a little as if shes your little sister who you like to pick on and have fun with. This will get her wondering “wow he really has moved on with life… maybe I still do like him”, or at the very least it won’t push her away. Also If there are other girls out with you flirt with them a bit (don’t do it just to get a reaction from your ex, just have fun) and your ex will catch on and if there is any inkling of love left in her she will start to feel jealous, and as we all know, jealousy works wonders.

Now sometimes she may not want you back and this has no effect at all, if so not much is going to help and your best bet is to move on and see other women, which in itself isn’t such a bad thing, you may find a girl 10x better than your ex.

If she does show signs of interest, don’t try and make moves or go all soppy on her at the first sign, act like a man, pretend its nothing and make her work to win you back. You’re the prize here that she’s trying to get back into her life, so act like one, play hard to get and she’ll soon be back in your arms.

Most of all don’t ask her out one on one until your completely 100% sure she’s into you again, don’t act like you did before getting all clingy and needy and wanting to see her all the time, and definitely don’t start buying her diner/flowers etc just because she’s back in your life, you should be the prize she wants, not the other way around.

Try it out now and if it doesn’t work out, don’t sweat it, there are plenty of resources here on letsinspire that will allow you to attract any women you desire and with 3 billion women out there, as much as you think there aren’t, I’m 100% sure there are plenty more amazing women out there for you. Just keep living an awesome life, seeing other women and if you’re meant to be with your ex forever, something will happen to bring you together again, if not, it just wasn’t meant to be.

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You’re a polite individual. You say please and thank you, and treat people with decency and respect. However, for some reason this does not seem to have a positive influence on your social life – in fact, quite the opposite. You still feel awkward around your peers, tongue tied where others speak freely in social situations, and find the girls of your dreams walking straight past you, into the arms of the biggest jerk in the world.

Don’t worry. You’re not alone in your confusion. The difficulty you’re having comes from a misconception in what constitutes politeness itself.

Polite is not just what we generally accept it to be. There are, in fact, two forms of politeness.

The first is demonstrated in this exchange:

“Brenton, could you please pass me the salt?”
“Here you are”
“Thank you very much”
“You’re welcome”

This exchange demonstrates the first type of politeness. Being polite by following socially appropriate conventions of what is generally understood as ‘politeness’. It is often referred to as Positive Politeness. The mistake that so many make is thinking that this is the only legitimate type of politeness. This though, is a mistake. Observe the following exchange:

“Oi, chuck us the salt”
“Get it yourself you lazy bastard”
“Piss off, chuck us the salt”
“No. Get some exercise and grab it.”

At first this seems rude. However, if the two individuals are just friends engaging in light banter, we understand that no offense is meant. In fact, they are actively being polite to each other. This is called Negative Politeness.

To be polite we show respect to those we address. The first scenario demonstrates that we respect a person through using language that identifies them as being considered worthy of respect.

The second type of politeness is more useful to those we are socially intimate with. It demonstrates that we respect an individual through the way in which we use their own language, and willingness to treat them with a casualness that defines them as an equal.

What, though, does this mean for you? This answer is: Lots.

When you are meeting new people, potential friends, potential romantic partners, you are looking to develop a relationship that is on some level, intimate. This is why you have to use the second level of politeness.

Have you ever watched popular guys talking with people they’ve just met? There’s no messing around. They go straight in, handshake, pat on the back, whatever, launching straight into conversation like they’d known the new person for years. This forms bonds straight between the two of them. If you approach every new person with caution and distance then you may never cause a major social offense – but neither will you make close friends quickly. Caution and distance help you to develop cautious distant relationships. Acting friendly and forthcoming helps you develop friendly and forthcoming relationships.

Remember how I mentioned that the biggest jerk in the room seems to get the girl? Now you know why. There might be a difference between being a nice guy acting friendly with everyone, and just being a jerk and not caring who you crush into the dirt, but the difference is rarely obvious in social situations. If you don’t make friends with the pretty girl, then she’s just going to get dominated by the moron who knows all the moves to get into her pants.

Newsflash: Beautiful girls DO NOT NEED ANY MORE GROVELERS! They have plenty of them. They are used to the first level of politeness being the norm. You need the second level to get their attention. Remember what you’re trying to do here – develop an intimate relationship (strong friendship or romantic). You would never treat your mates as though they were better than you. As tempting as it may be, the same applies for lovely ladies – always stay as an equal, not treating them as a Goddess. Jerks succeed at this because they have no regard for the value of other people, so they never treat anyone as being valuable. You however, can do this because you have class.

OK, so, lets go over the main points.

• Politeness as treating others as equals NOT as superiors. If you act socially like someone is above you, they will treat you like you’re below them. This is a lose-lose situation. If you act as an equal, you will be considered and treated as one.
• Be a friend NOT an acquaintance. We gather up acquaintances all through our lives, and most of them are fairly replaceable. Nobody wants to put effort into keeping acquaintances, so don’t act like one.
• Be insulting NOT complementary. This is a bit tricky. When I say this I don’t mean directing unflattering comments about the shape of the head of the first person you meet. I mean two things – firstly, don’t be afraid of playful banter. Friendships thrive on being able to take a joke and give as good as they get. Secondly, don’t overdo the compliments. People will either get tired of your flattery (and possibly suspect you of being a stalker) or take it to heart and consider themselves way out of your league. Neither of these is good. At all.
• Be reckless NOT cautious. It’s always tempting to feel out a situation before you act. However, while you’re busy working out if you should ask the girl of your dreams out or not while tentatively trying to gather a signal from her as to whether you should, the girl of your dreams is loosing faith in the hope that you will ever ask her out, and moving on to stupid jerk guy. Just act, move in, say something, be noticed. Unless you do, you might as well be a part of the furniture.
• Be a Rock Star NOT a Groupie. Beautiful girls have enough Groupies swarming to ogle them. What you need to be is a rock star, confident, public, fun, chatty (but not blabbering).

So, you don’t have to stop being polite for social and romantic success. You just have to remember that politeness is more that following specific social rules and regulations. It’s a way of putting others at ease and showing them you respect them. And, for goodness sake, enjoying it.

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It’s come to my attention that there seems to be 5 different things that men never seem to *get* about women, unfortunately every single one of these mistakes is holding men back and I’m quite sure there is at least one or two of them stopping you from having incredible success attracting women.

1. Women Want YOU to lead
Women don’t want a man that constantly says “you decide”, “I don’t know” and “whatever, you choose”, they reek of being a little boy who can’t make up his mind rather than a real man and giving her a response like this will really turn her off. If she asks something such as “where shall we go for diner”, simply pick an option that you would like to do. If she opposes and wants to go somewhere else she will tell you. She asked you the question so it’s up to you to make the decision, telling her “you choose” will only frustrate her greatly.

2. Women want you to be Sexual
Now don’t get me wrong, women don’t want you to walk up to them and immediately start acting like a sex crazed maniac, but they do want you to open up SOMETIME. Unfortunately most guys never realize this and assume that if they are friendly for long enough something sexual will *just happen*. The truth is it doesn’t *just happen* unless you make it happen (remember women want to be lead). Usually if you’ve met a women out clubbing/through friends and have spent over 20 hours with her and you haven’t yet kissed, your going to be a friend forever (of course this doesn’t apply if you work/study with her). Generally it’s best to start flirting with a girl as soon as you’re even slightly comfortable around each other (after knowing each others names). This sets the tone of the interaction immediately and lets her know that you are a sexual guy who she could possibly date, not another guy to be placed into the “just friends” category.

3. Women love a guy who’s hard to get
It’s true that often the busier and more unavailable you are, the more time she’ll want to spend with you. If your constantly available, always ringing her and hanging around her like a bad smell she will get sick of you very quickly. On the flip side, at least at the beginning of dating you will need to be the one to call her, as women will never call a guy within the first month or two of dating unless she’s very desperate. Calling her on average twice a week and meeting up once a week is usually best and gives her a chance to miss you without forgetting about you completely.

4. Women don’t want to be put on a pedestal
You may be thinking “Oh I would never do that”, unfortunately you probably do to some extent. If you’ve ever bought a women a drink, flowers, chocolates, taken her out to a lavish dinner in order to get her to like you (as in you weren’t in a relationship yet and she’s not in love with you, your doing these things to get her to like you more). Then you’re putting her on a pedestal. Yes you can do these things for her once your in a relationship and she’s already in love with you, but never do them when your still dating and your trying to get her attracted to you. This just screams out “Hey I Don’t deserve a women of your beauty, but I’m willing to bribe you with expensive things to make up for that”.

5. Women want someone who makes them laugh
If there’s anything you take away from this article, make it this. Women want a guy who can make them laugh, if you can do that for them you’re 75% of the way there. If you can make them laugh you can screw up with every other area and still get her attracted, and if you can make her laugh as well as remember these other 4 areas, your set to attract any women you desire.

And that’s it, remember these 5 key areas and your golden, you’ll be miles ahead of 99% of guys out there and finally be able to attract and date that beautiful girl you’ve been spying on for the past few months.

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“What do you want to eat honey?” she asks.

“Oh I don’t know, you choose,” You say, thinking that it would be ’safer’ to have her choose something that SHE would like instead of making a decision that she wouldn’t like.

“I don’t know either…”

It is a problem that we face every day. Making decisions. We need to make choices every day, but everyone is too afraid to step out and choose, scared that they would make the ‘wrong’ choice. Why making choices is so important and what can you do to start becoming a man of choice will be discussed.

Why is making choices so important? Well the answer is pretty simple. It is your RESPONSIBILITY as a MAN to step up and make these choices. Women want men to make the decisions. Lets look at male-female polarity.

The concept of male-female polarity is fairly simple. In general, men would reach their full potential and would be more satisfied with life when they bathe fully in their masculine polarity and vice versa for women. So to reach your full potential as a man, you need to fully immerse yourself into your masculine traits (which I won’t list here, you will be able to find them in other LetsInspire articles) and by doing this, you will help your woman rest easily into her feminine traits.

So how do we become decisive?

As with most things, the first step is to practice. When this issue came up in my life (I suddenly realised that I was indecisive and I needed to do something about it), I made a commitment to force myself to choose -fast- whenever I needed to make a decision. I would not pussy around and think about whether I should do something or not or whether which choice was better. The aim was to follow my gut instinct and make a choice based on that. Now obviously I wasn’t making huge business or financial decisions and this process was used for all the minor things in life, so I can’t vouch for whether this process would work in those areas. But the point remains that I had to make a choice and commit to it - fast.

After I dedicated myself to this, I found it easier and easier to make choices. I wasted less time procrastinating and started to really step up in this area in my life.

One of the problems that I had, before I started being decisive, was that I was afraid that other people would not like the choices I made. This was fairly easy to resolve in my mind: unless they’re making decisions themselves, they usually DO NOT CARE either way. Unless your girl is completely vegetarian, she would not complain about a steak and unless your friends are really, truly boring, they won’t complain about the venue that you chose.

Keep these thoughts in mind, and choose to grow. People need a leader, an alpha male to follow. Be that man.

-shift

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Out of all the questions I’m asked this seems to be one of the most prominent, always rearing its head from guys with secret crushes on “this one lady” at work, school or even on the same train as them. Or perhaps they’ve been seeing someone for a while and are wondering if its the right time to tell her how much they love her. Lucky for you, if this is something you’ve been pondering recently or even in the past, its not such a difficult question to solve.

Now there are 3 very different variations of this question. The first is that you have just seen a girl you fancy, perhaps she has an amazing smile, a graceful walk or is just plain stunning. This is the kind of girl you think you could spend the rest of your life with (without even talking to her). This girl probably doesn’t even know your name, but you still wish she was yours. Should you tell her, or just let her pass? The answer is easier than you think.

The 2nd variation is of a girl you’ve known for some time, she’s a friend of yours perhaps, or just a coworker your interested in. You may have known her for 3 or more months but nothing really happened between the two of you, you want to tell her you like her so much but you just can’t build up the courage. Fortunately this can be solved and without too much problem, although as you’ll discover later on, you may not want to solve it at all.

The 3rd variation is of a girl your already dating, maybe you’ve been out on a few dates or even been seeing each other for a few months now, you want to tell her you love her so badly and that you’ll do anything for her, you want to marry her and take her away to a remote island to live together. This is very common and unfortunately most guys screw this up badly ruining the dating and sending her running away faster than you can say “but I love you”.

Now surprisingly the answers to all three variations are quite similar yet vastly different. If you have the problem of seeing a girl you like and wanting to talk to her yet she has no idea who you are you need to tackle this in a very succinct way. The one thing you must not do is walk straight up to her and confess your heart, she’s a complete stranger and if you tell her how amazing and beautiful she is and how she makes your heart skip a beat yada yada yada she’s going to think “oh so this guy just fell in love with my beauty, he doesn’t even want to get to know me as a person, next!”. Not only this but you come across as needy and having a much lower social value than her (in that you don’t deserve to be with a women of her caliber). Instead to handle the situation just take it slow, say hi, and proceed from there, if you know what to say to her great, do that, if you don’t you can find plenty of help on letsinspire.net.

If you’ve known this girl for quite some time it needs to be tackled far more tactically, as confessing your heart while your still working at her could make things awkward if she doesn’t like you back in the same way. As such you should handle this pretty similarly to the 1st problem, get her friendship first at least (with a little bit of sexual tension of course), then ask her out for drinks or coffee or something, generally if she likes you she will go out with you, and if she doesn’t she won’t. If she won’t join you for drinks (without a valid excuse) don’t act like its a big thing, just act like you only wanted to go out as friends, accept that she most likely doesn’t like you, and move on. There is one better way out of this situation than asking her out however, and that is to not tell her you like her, make friends with her and meet her friends, expand your social circle and possibly date them. Why do I suggest this option? Because there is nothing more awkward than working day in day out with someone you like who doesn’t like you back, and there will constantly be tension and ill-comfort between the two of you in the workplace from the moment you tell her you like her. Now she may be awesome and everything but if you think about it there are more than likely over a million girls in your home city for you to date which will be far less uncomfortable than dating someone at work. I Honestly believe work should be kept separate from your dating life and the two should never mix. If however you know she likes you (perhaps through a mutual friend or VERY obvious signs) then go for it, make her day.

Now as for the third girl, this is the hardest one to solve as you never really know when is right to tell her how much you love her and pour your heart out. There is a big risk with this variation and unfortunately its where most guys blow it: If you are telling her you like her because she doesn’t seem to like you much at the moment and you want her to like you more or fall in love with you DO NOT TELL HER, IT WON’T WORK. Girls will not suddenly fall in love with you by you telling them you love them, it takes time, they need comfort and attraction (both of which you can learn to build) before being able to fall in love, a few words ain’t gonna do it. Ok so if you want to tell her you love her because you know she already loves you then read on. For a start NEVER start acting like a girl if you ever tell her you like her, don’t get all soppy, don’t act like she’s the only thing that matters to you (she shouldn’t, you should have other things going for you in life), and definitely don’t go saying anything within at least the first 3 months of dating (I’d say 6 months if your only casually dating rather than having a relationship). Now the best way to let her know is of course at the right moment, don’t go all soppy and tell her you love her in the middle of the day at work, nor tell her during sex (which is actually one of the worst times, because often then she feels you only want her for sex and only like her for her looks). Take her out somewhere special and tell her then. Most of all be a man, tell her just like you mean it but don’t act like a wussy, and DO NOT tell her in order to get her to “like you” more, this WILL NOT WORK, tell her if you mean it and know she likes you as much in return.

There is just one more rule that must ALWAYS be obeyed when telling a girl you like her, unfortunately it’s too big for here though you can read more about it By Clicking Here.

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I think an entire article needs to be written to address this topic because its something I see guys try and fail at time and time and time again,. It just doesn’t seem to be getting into guys heads, all this social preconditioning from the environment is telling us the exact opposite so why should you believe me? Your probably confused as to what it is I am talking about here, I’m talking about trying to get a girl to *like* you, trying to somehow persuade her by putting her on a pedestal, bending to her every whim and acting like her little bitch. Every guy says he’s not controlled by his women, then 10 minutes later he’ll be talking about how he’s going to take her away on a romantic vacation to impress her and show her how much of a good guy he is… ugh… it’s any wonder women get bored easily with men, they are so predictable, so boring and they all act alike.

Women don’t want to be put on a pedestal, you better get that into your head now or its going to be a harsh and painful learning lesson for you, with girls telling you your just “not compatible”, “not her type” or she “doesn’t feel anything for you” time and time again. You see these girls could have felt something with you, if you were more fun, challenging and gave her what she really wanted, rather than being another ass-kisser who bends to their every whim. Sorry about being so harsh but it seems to just not be getting through to a lot of guys, of course I’m quite sure those same guys are going to give me quotes of thousands of girls saying things like “I want a guy that treats me like a princess”. Yes that is what girls SAY they want, which is in reality quite far away from what they really desire. If you actually look at those same girls that say they want a guy that treats them like a princess you will find them dating guy’s that are the complete opposite of that, bikers, idiots that treat them bad and more, because that is what they are REALLY attracted to, at a deep emotional level, not at a logical “what a sane girl thinks” level. If you ever want to know what a women really wants, look at what she does and how she acts, not what she says.

Along with this comes the same old thing all guys tend to do (hell I even see myself doing it sometimes) and that is changing your likes and dislikes to match hers, perhaps she likes a certain band, so you pretend to like them too in order to get her to like you more. This never works and you’ll often end up doing things you hate to appease her then not getting anywhere anyway. Having likes and dislikes in common rarely attracts people together, having core personality traits that are similar is great, just not likes and dislikes. Often its more fun for women to be with someone who likes all the opposite bands/foods/drinks to them as that person will be more adventurous and fun to be around, not a predictable bore. Most of all don’t pretend to be someone your not, don’t pretend to be caring for the elderly if you hate them, and don’t say you love children if you can’t stand them, it’s just not going to work out well if you start off lying like this.

Last of all just be yourself. Now being yourself doesn’t mean being sloppy, farting when you like and/or being rude or arrogant towards her, it simply means treating her like you would a female friend. If you don’t have any female friends I’d HIGHLY suggest you go out and get some as they are a godsend, don’t listen to what they say about attracting girls (though watch what kind of guys they go for) and just hang around them only as friends (don’t hit on them, or do anything sexual AT ALL). Just get comfortable being around them and you’ll be comfortable around women in general, realizing that they are not so scary and often just like you. Now being yourself means simply treating your girl as if she was a female friend, you treat her with respect and politeness and slightly different to your male mates, but you don’t go putting her on a pedestal (because there’s nothing you want/need from her) and you don’t treat her more special than anyone else. This is honestly just how girls want to be treated, just like everyone else (with some sexual spice on the side ), and they just want guys to be their normal natural selves around them. Can’t you do that for her?

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