Lets Inspire

What are the 3 Keys to Incredible Success in every interaction?

1. Keeping it Fun
2. Escalation
3. (It’s a secret!)

Watch the video to learn how to apply these secrets to double or triple your success attracting women

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This is a dual posting between Hot Alpha Female and I, You can find her video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKLwtQ3T3c4.

You can read her full post on her blog at: http://hotalphafemale.blogspot.com/2008/10/five-minute-find-woman-wednesdays-why.html

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Technorati Tags: attraction, bad boys, being alpha, being bad boy, Dating, flirting, marriage, women

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Thought provoking post on Captain Jacks blog recently. What would your life be like if there were no teachers, no gurus and no community to teach how to be better with women?

I’ve actually been doing this for a few months now… except I’m acknowledging that the Community exists just that it is wrong about everything…

Just for a moment, Imagine….

No community. No help whatsoever aside from Barbara DeAngelis and Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.

No Gurus, No bootcamps, No seminars, No TV shows, No online forums or DVD’s or CD’s. No RSD, Mystery Method, No Speed Seduction….

All of it….Gone.

Imagine a big dumpster in your mind and all that stuff going into the dumpster and then the dumpster fades into nothingness.

What do you do?

You are alone with no help.

You still need to meet a sex partner or a girlfriend or lover. Biological urges are the same. But now its just you and girls.

Take this seriously.

What does your heart tell you to do?

This is a tough one for me to answer because as you probably know I’m only 20 years of age and have been in “the community” for over 3 years (5 if you count Double Your Dating). Meaning I’ve never been a generic “club chode” buying drinks/flowers etc for women in order to try and get laid.

However thinking back to high school I realize just how much of a different person I was. I was your normal average geek (in fact I think I was the geekiest guy in my grade), I loved computers and computer games, I only had male friends (up until grade 12 where I realized I couldn’t hold my sexual urges back forever ), and because I’m not that good looking of a guy (decidedly average) I rarely had girls like me.

If the community never came along nearly all of the girls I meet would probably have been from inside my social circle, plain jane average girls or incredibly geeky ones. I probably wouldn’t have bothered going out clubbing (Aside from pickup I generally don’t find it that enticing), and the few house parties would be my only spots for good social interaction.

In my attempts to pick them up I’d probably try learning/doing a lot of humor and comedy (at the moment I’m working on improv and stage comedy as it’s something I enjoy) as from what I’ve seen the very best non-community guys are generally incredibly funny/fun guys, I’d probably base a lot of my game off of that.

I’d probably also try to allure women with money, a nice car, a big house etc as I’m also very business minded and love working on making money even when I know it won’t help at all with getting women (we’ll I’d think it works well if I didn’t know about the community )

My Inner game would probably be based off of Personal Development websites and books (Steve Pavlina, Tony Robbins, Dale Carnegie) and they can help a hell of a lot (most of the improvements I got in the early stages of game were from working on my inner self), but a lot of the information is generally based around relationships rather than those first few hours of meeting a girl.

Now why was this question asked?

He essentially gave it away at the start of the post. The idea is that perhaps the strategies we have been taught in “the community” are in fact just another form of (some would say better) social conditioning.

Because everything in the community has generally been based off previous knowledge maybe it isn’t the right way to go and we are trying to build a skyscraper of information on flawed foundations. What if everything in the community is wrong? I know it works (duh :p) but what if it isn’t how we are supposed to be as men?

It’s only just been in the past 2 years as more and more people have been getting into the field that people are starting realize Mystery Method is fatally flawed. In that using mystery method style tactics works, and it works a lot better than being a generic club chode, but just in the past 2-3 years so many new techniques and styles of game have come along that just blow it out of the water.

This is due to the fact that it was based on centered around Mystery’s Personality and game, and we are just learning that in-congruency is one of the biggest killers of attraction out there (I’ll post more about this later). Guys were going out for years painting their nails black, wearing fluffy hats and peacocking to extremes and although they were getting lays it was very incongruent to who they really were. It works well for Mystery as he’s a magician and loves to put on a show, but it doesn’t work so well for joe the programmer who lives in suburbia and drives a toyota.

This is just one example of how many men have gone “wow that guys good with women, lets learn from him” and have evolved that style of game (inventing their own gambits/routines etc) but it was still based on a flawed concept. What if many things we’ve been taught in the community are also based on flawed concepts? Just like Hollywood teaches us buying flowers and sucking up to girls is a good thing (hint: it’s not), perhaps we are being influenced in the same way by the community?

I think this is one of the main ways Captain Jack has been improving his game so rapidly, and coming up with the whole idea of sexualized game.

In fact if you haven’t yet subscribed to his newsletter I HIGHLY suggest you do. By not subscribing there is just so much new awesome information you’re missing out on.

So what would you do if the community did not exist?

The Original Post is at: http://www.betheseducer.com/2008/03/what-would-you-do-if-the-community-did-not-exist/To recieve more amazing content like this every day Subscribe to our Newsletter for free Instantly. Every day you’ll recieve heaps of amazing content you won’t find anywhere else. Click here to Subscribe Now.

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Because I’ve been doing dating teaching for so long, yet I’m in a relationship (and have been for the past year), people always ask me “why don’t you teach relationship advice”. The truth is, compared to the amount of dates I’ve been to, women I’ve talked to and phone numbers I’ve acquired, this one year relationship is practically nothing (in terms of experience). I like to help out guys who are having problems with their relationships, as you’ve seen in the article How to Get Your Ex Back, and Keep Her Forever, however it’s not the primary focus of this site.

The reason for this post is that I do want to help you if you are having problems with an ex, as I’ve been there before and totally understand how impossibly hard it is to even get a word in with her. It’s like overnight she changed from being this amazing woman who loves you to bits, to someone that couldn’t care less. Although she’s changed I know you would love to have that old girlfriend back, the loving caring one, and without the right help, it’s pretty much never going to happen.

A Friend of mine (With a hell of a lot more relationship experience than me) has actually written his own book on getting back with your Ex, going into great detail of the exact steps you need to take to understand the underlying problems that caused the breakup and what you need to do to fix them. I’d honestly recommend his advice even more than my own because I know he has the years and years of relationship experience behind him. You can check it out by clicking here.

Of course I don’t want to leave you without any tips of my own, even though they are pretty much only skim the surface of the issue of getting back with your ex.

Most guys go about it backwards, and give her more of what was driving her away in the first place, more approval seeking, more begging, and more need to impress, all of which are things she hated and wished you’d just stop.

You see women want you to be strong, If you bend over backwards to try and get them back with flowers, chocolates etc it’s just not going to work. Unfortunately as much as Hollywood has influenced you to believe this is the way a man should act, it’s pretty close to the opposite. Women want many things from a man before even considering taking her back (and none involve giving her what essentially are *bribes* to try and win back her heart). They are:

• Being able to get along just fine without her – Telling her you need her or you’ll just never be the same again is in her eyes very pathetic. She doesn’t want a leech of her time and energy, she wants a guy who can survive just fine without her who can show her amazing things, she wants to have a fun relationship not BE the relationship.
• Treating her like you did when you first met – Unless you stalked/bribed her until she gave in and started dating you this is probably the best place to go back to. Treat her like a friend, be friendly, don’t strangle her with your love and stop focusing all your attention on her. Remember what it was that got her interested in you in the first place (it was probably one of the things in the ebook to your right, not that you took her to fancy restaurants…).
• If she doesn’t want to talk, stop calling her – Calling her if you know she’s ignoring you is only going to make her more annoyed, lay off the phone and enjoy your life, your life was amazing before you met her, it can be amazing without her too. Give it a week or two and she may be in a calmer more talkative mood.

In case you forgot you can check out my friends book at: http://www.letisnspire.net/getexback, If you would like any help at all definitely check it out.

Enjoy,

Solace

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• What are the methods in getting back with your ex-girlfriend? – Recently, I broke up with my gf because i neglected her for the last 2months and i regret that. We still love each other but she said we need time and most likely she does not love me anymore because i left her alone when she needed me …
• How To Get Ex Back. Secrets Revealed On How To Get An Ex Back By … – Have you recently suffered the pain and loss of a break up, and just want to get them back? But how to get an ex back? What words will you use when you ..
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Why can we never get what we want? I mean it’s just sitting there in front of us, you can pretty much be anything you want… to be buff you go to the gym, to get a girlfriend you just talk to girls, to get money you just work hard (and maybe a bit smart). But for some reason you’d much rather just be watching TV while wafting down packet after packet of corn chips.

Why does this happen? Why is it that we can never see the straight path through the fog? Why do we get so confused over some things other people find so easy to do? It’s just 2 primal instincts we as humans stupidly do due to carrying around an emotional system that’s 50,000 years out of date.

The first is the need for everything NOW. The second is “silver bullet syndrome”, the be all and end all of human nature: feeling we all deserve something for nothing, a magic pill that will cure all our problems without any effort.

Why are we driven by these stupid emotions?

50,000 years ago it was a bad idea to wear ourselves out, for then if we suddenly got sprung on by a sneaky lion looking at us and seeing a giant pork chop we wouldn’t be able to defend ourselves. Thus the human body decided it would be a good idea to create resistance to expending lots of energy getting things done, so we don’t get eaten by lions as much.

This is exactly the reason why it’s so damn hard to just start talking to strangers and women you don’t know. 50,000 years ago if you were to randomly talk to women in the tribe, and the tribal leader didn’t like it, you die. He’ll probably bash you in the head with a rock until you resemble a bloody pulp, then feed you to the lions (sure makes the rejections these days seem pretty bland by comparison)
Your emotions were created 50,000 years ago to save you from lions and crazy cavemen, do you really want to trust them? Of course not!

These emotions are holding you back from your true awesome self man! Once you start Ignoring them and push yourself past them you will take on a whole new level of superiority (sounds cool eh?). No longer are you going to be the underdog taking crap from your friends for not being able to talk to women, and no longer will you be afraid of that scary scary bench-press (just imagine it’s a lion, will make it much easier to tame).

The Secret other Personal Development *Gurus* are Hiding:

There’s a scary secret in the personal development community, average people will probably never discover it, because if they do, half the *gurus* would be out of business:

“Most personal development teachers are trying to remove these bad emotions, help you get over them to lead a more successful life. But this honestly isn’t what’s needed; these emotions pretty much NEVER go away, yes NEVER! Often these personal development coaches haven’t even done what they are preaching themselves, and just hoping that by writing about it they can get over their fear and make a little money on the side.”

For gurus, this is cool, because they know that they can’t actually remove the emotions, and they also know that as long as they keep teaching how to in different ways, people will have a little success. Then they keep buying their books hoping to get more and more success, when they didn’t even need the motivation anyway.

Even 2 Years on I STILL feel fear when going to talk to that next woman, and I’ve talked to well over 600-700 women. This isn’t just me either, I’ve talked with some of the most successful pick up artists and IN THE WORLD and all these guys STILL feel anxiety when first approaching a girl they are interested in.

You DO NOT need to get rid of this fear, instead use it to fuel you to action, If you actually start to feel these bad emotions (and you will, believe me), it means you are growing and becoming a better more successful person, and we all want that.

The act of courage isn’t to not have fear, the biggest and best guys in every field have fear and horrible emotions going haywire when they do what they do. The difference between them and the common chode is that they push through this fear with sheer resolve and courage. With this kick ass level of courage they get stronger, faster, better with women and richer than ever.

I’ve gone through this pain myself, pushing myself to go to the gym, go and talk to that girl, do that extra little bit of business work even though every single emotion in my body is telling me to get the hell away from it and start doing more brain-dead activities, like watching TV.

It is incredibly hard in the beginning yes, but it does get easier! No the negative emotions don’t go away, they are going to stick around till you’re rolling in your grave. Them not going away would be horrible anyway, as everyone has the tendency to un-appreciate things that are easy to acquire, the gratification just isn’t there. Once you do what you really want to over and over and over (ad continuum) for at least 4 weeks you just develop the habit. The Habit is really really cool, because once you get it, you just go on autopilot and fly baby! It almost feels like the emotions don’t even matter anymore, because you just do it anyway.

So am I just talking crap or have I really done this myself?

I’ve been going to the gym for 2 years now to bulk up (I was quite a skinny guy 2 years ago, being 5’8” (173cm) and weighing just 110lb (50kg). I used to go to the gym about 3 times a week, sometimes 4, sometimes only 2 and really worked it around my (what I thought was hectic) schedule. I also crap all, but more than the average person. In that time I noticed I was growing slightly, I got a bit bigger, but overall in about 20 months I gained 26lb or 12KG (which is kind of cool, but still nowhere near good enough).

Fast forward to this year: I’m gym every day for an hour and eat more than ever (including a whole of 4 milkshakes a day…) I’ve now had 5 months of this consistent everyday effort of going even when I didn’t want to (and my body would have much rather me broken my arm then go to the gym). In those 4 months I gained another 14KG and put on a hell of a lot of muscle.

I know what you’re thinking: “Oh My God, 4 months of forcing yourself to go every single day! That’s like torture!” OH IT WAS! Nah kidding. In the beginning I thought exactly the same thing, that it would be like pushing a freight train up a hill. Not True! I noticed after just 1 month of going every single day my brain started to realize that I was dead serious, I wasn’t giving this up. So my brain helped me out, some days I would go “nup not going today” and my brain said back to me “oh yes you are bitch, you’re going to feel so much pain you can’t move!”, and my body would like auto-walk itself to the gym at which point I’d have to do the weights. (Ok maybe an exaggeration but it honestly did feel like autopilot mode).

It’s really really cool when this starts to happen because you don’t need to push yourself much anymore, you just go, you don’t even need to think about it, and you get the results you deserve.
So how does this apply to Women? So many guys fail with women simply because they are not applying themselves consistently. Talking to women once or twice a week is exactly the same as going to the gym once or twice a week, you can get somewhere (very very slowly) but the improvements will only be 10% of the rate you could be going at if only you started talking to people every day.

Thus to greatly accelerate any results you are having, Be Religiously Consistant! By going to the gym and going all out 2-3 days a week, then doing crap all for the other 4-5 days in the week (eating junk, sitting around on the couch eating cheezos) you are only driving yourself backwards. That extra effort you just put in on those gym days was just completely destroyed by being a complete sloth. Don’t do what the majority do because it’s easier, you’re only going to get what the majority of people get, an expensive gym membership with nothing to show for it.

Same goes for women. Don’t feel like talking to that cute girl on the train? Too bad! Do it anyway! In fact I’ll challenge you, whenever you talk to a girl on the train/bus/clubbing etc, email me, and I’ll match it, It’ll be like a little competition (perhaps I may give you a prize or two if you put in extra effort )

Until Next Time,

Have Fun!

– Solace

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Technorati Tags: attraction, Dating, Emotions, health, silver bullet syndrome

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It’s a difficult problem we all seem to get in; you start feeling for your best friend, or girls close to you who you get along with so well. The problem is, what if they don’t like you back? Fear no longer, for there is a way to determine if she likes you, figure out a way to ask her out if she does like you, and hopefully live happily ever after.

As a start the most important element is to ensure that this girl really IS interested in you in return. This is unfortunately the part where even I myself go wrong, in that you assume because she is fun, flirty and loves to talk to you, that she has an interest in possible dating. The problem is sometimes girls are just like this with every guy, even when they are already happy in a relationship. This is generally because they merely love the attention and thrill of flirting with another guy, even if it will never lead anywhere. Not that girls in relationships are always happy, she may be on the lookout for a better guy, and luckily there is an incredibly simple way to check: Take a look at how she treats other guys. See how she treats her other guy friends, those in your workplace/school and so on. If she doesn’t treat you any different she probably doesn’t have an interest in dating you. That’s not to say she’ll never have an interest in you, just that you shouldn’t make any moves yet.

There are many different situations you may find yourself in, as there are many different types of girls and many different levels you know each other at. So I’ve decided to figure out a generic system which you can use to figure out how to approach in the best possible manner. This is simply coming from my experience with many different girls and unfortunately every situation is different, so take it as a rough guide but don’t live by it, use common sense too J, I’m really just generalizing here so find what best fits your situation and go from there.

There are 3 main categories for a girls social/outgoing level and because of this each type of girl should be treated with a different tact. While outgoing girls might like to go out drinking with you and friends, the shy girls may want something where they don’t need to interact with others so much.

Shy Girl

The shy quiet girls are girls who may only have other female friends and are almost never the center of attention, often spending a night at home or with their girl friends rather than going out drinking. One of the most common situations you will find yourself in with a girl is this one. Quite often it’s that cute girl who looks like she could be really sweet and nice, but you just haven’t gotten to know her, instead simply being an admirer from afar. The problem with this situation is that it’s really hard for it to go anywhere especially if you yourself are very shy. Although there are pluses, generally shy girls will still go out with you even if they don’t particularly like you (this is a good thing, for when you are out together you can bond and perhaps take it further) and usually if you break up afterwards it’s easy to go back to how you were before. Most of the ways of asking her out can feel a bit awkward because shy girls don’t give as much feedback and/or enthusiasm as others, ignore this feeling for its only going to hold you back.

One last thing that many guys fail to realize is that just because shy girls don’t talk much or seem so excitable, doesn’t mean they want something low energy like a stroll along the beach as a first date. Going out to a theme park works very well too, so long as they don’t need to meet random strangers to have fun (ie. Pubs/clubs are generally a bad idea).

Normal Girl

The Normal Girls are the middle of the road girls that are open and talk to everyone, girls and guys alike but won’t usually be the kind of girl all the guys’ desire. Normal girls are some of the most fun girls in the world once you get to know them, like the outgoing girls they generally have a very vivid, strong personality, but like shy girls they do tend to hide it from those they don’t know too well. The thing about this type of girl is that her attraction level to you can greatly vary, and it often has a lot to do with how much interest she gets from the other guys. Unlike shy girls and Outgoing girls, normal girls should be done more on a case per case basis rather than just using a general rule on how to approach and deal with the situation.

For a first date, pretty much anything goes. Clubs may be a bit overwhelming unless they love going out and just dancing, but on the whole generally they are up for anything fun.

Outgoing Girl

The Outgoing girls are generally either hot and as such get a lot of attention, or they are simply the fun, hyperactive girls who love life, being very flirty and out there. Loud Outgoing girls can be by far the most fun however they are also the ones most guys generally get confused by. The reason for this confusion is simply that outgoing fun girls are generally the kind of girls that love to party and are perfectly fine flirting with any guy just for fun (even if they have no interest in dating him). This is why it’s best for any outgoing girl you ensure she treats you differently to other guys, she may be a lot more flirty than the shy girl in the office but that doesn’t mean she likes you more than her.

For a first date the outgoing kind of girl generally likes something with a bit of social interaction, clubbing works well, as does just a general house party of your friends. The Outgoing girls are generally more high energy and like more excitement than most and as such a dinner date doesn’t go down too well (it’s sweet and all, but you will probably find yourself in the *friends zone* with her unless you combine dinner with something else exciting.)

One thing to keep in mind is that because Outgoing girls are by their nature, very outgoing, she will most likely chat to random strangers when out and about (clubs/parties and so on), getting jealous of it will only be detrimental, so you need to be able to let her go and socialize by herself without needing to be the only one talking to her all night long.

The Friendships

Then there are also 3 types of friendships with girls. You can be acquaintances, maybe you just know each other’s names and share small talk, but don’t really hang out at all or have much to do with each other. There are the semi-friends, maybe you’ve been at the same party once or twice, talk a fair bit, and are comfortable around them. Maybe they are even members of your small group of friends but you probably wouldn’t hang out with without inviting everyone out at once, you are probably fine talking to them at school/work but don’t take it much outside there. Then there are the best friends, the girls you can talk too easily, everyone can see you are great friends and you are perfectly fine hanging out with them by yourself or with only 3-4 people out (like at the movies or something).

As an Acquaintance

Liking a girl from afar and sharing very few moments together is honestly not where you want to be in your school/workplace

Getting to know her is sometimes hard especially if you are in completely different social circles as you can’t just walk up and talk to her, and it may be hard to get her alone to talk to. If you feel you can’t talk to her in front of your friends in all honesty you aren’t ready to be making a move on her. If she likes you back she will actually introduce you and chat with you fine around her friends, without being uncomfortable about it. This is a key I think many guys miss, they see a girl they like and try to sort of only chat with her when she’s alone, ignoring her when she’s in her group of friends. This is honestly one of the worst things you can do to get to know her, as not only can you come off as “the weird guy who keeps talking to me when alone”, but even if she does like you she won’t want to date you because her friends don’t approve (and to women, approval of their friends is a huge thing).

That doesn’t mean just give up if you aren’t in her circle of friends, all you really need to do is get to know one or two of her friends as well as her and the rest will take care of itself (seriously), in groups its funny that most people make up their own minds based on the opinions of others, so if 2 or 3 of the girls/guys in the group think you’re a fun, chill, normal person they will all accept you and become friends with you. Not only this, once you are in with her circle of friends her attraction towards you will increase greatly (as you are no longer another random guy but a friend of hers), and she will start to notice you and your best qualities more than ever before.

Oftentimes it’s hard to break into that social circle of her friends but all you really need is one or two friends of hers that you can talk to and everyone else will follow suit.

Shy

Honestly the best thing to do in this situation would be to first get to know this girl until you are at a level where you are both comfortable with each other before asking her out. If you aren’t able to strike up a conversation fine in the office/at school it’s going to be monumentally harder on your first date, so just take the time to get to know her and see if you really do like her personality. The great thing about this is that the shy girls are generally the easiest to talk to once you realize that them being quiet doesn’t mean they don’t want to talk to you, it’s simply how they are. Talking isn’t usually as hard because you aren’t fighting for their attention like the more outgoing girls and shy girls don’t generally get that much social interaction so are happy to talk to anybody that comes up and starts a conversation with them.

You can ask her out if you really desire and she will most likely accept out of politeness even if she isn’t all that interested. However this has the problem of if you are both shy people and don’t know each other very well, dating may be incredibly awkward, which is why it’s best to at least be semi friends with her and hang out with her in a group of friends first.

Normal / Outgoing

Normal and Outgoing girls as acquaintances can actually work very well, simply because these girls generally have shorter attention spans and are more high energy than most they will get over things quite quickly if you ask them out and it doesn’t work out. On the flip side, these girls generally have enough social skills to talk to anyone and as such probably have a handful of guys interested in them. This pretty much means it’s a much better idea to actually meet them and their friends first (as said above) before asking her out, although it can work without knowing each other well (if you can tell she’s interested), and if you read the signals wrong and she doesn’t really like you back she will generally get over it pretty quickly.

As a Semi-Friend

This is a great level to be at as you probably know this girl well enough to just chat, go out for drinks with a big group of friends and so on without it being awkward or uncomfortable. It’s probably the best place to be with any girl you have an interest in as not only do you not have the problem of not knowing her well enough to talk to her, but you aren’t stuck in that dreaded *friends only* zone many guys find themselves in when they fall in love with their best friend.

As a semi friend pretty much all girls are very similar in approach, simply flirt with her a bit and see if she does it back then find out if she treats you differently than other guys. After you think she likes you, invite her out with your group of friends for drinks or a fun night out and see what happens, if she shows a great deal of interest in you while out (generally it’s a lot easier to tell if she likes you when out rather than in the office/school as she will be a lot more relaxed) then you can ask her out.

As a Best Friend

Having a female friend as a best friend can be the greatest thing in the world for many guys and this is the core reason I believe you should stay away from dating your best friend. Simply because having a female best friend (or multiple great female friends) and just hanging out them will get you better at interacting and dating women than any book can possibly teach you. Having female friends pays off on many levels, from learning to be comfortable around women, to being able to get advice from them (here’s a tip: the worst advice in the world generally comes from a woman’s mouth, the best advice comes from watching how she reacts to guys and the kind of guys she dates, but more on that in a future email) and to meet your friends friends for potential dating (hell, often female friends will set you up on dates with their friends themselves). It’s because of all these reasons that I’d highly recommend not dating your best friends unless you are almost certain she would love to date you.

Dating the Best friend is one of the true romantic stories and often can work out that way, they key is not to get it into your head that dating the best friend doesn’t ALWAYS work out, all it takes is some keen observational skills and being able to take an objective view of the situation (as it is) rather than a subjective (how you believe it should be).

If she asks for your opinion on how to talk to a guy, tells you about guys she likes or ever says you are like her “big brother” or something along those lines (as in someone she wouldn’t date) you don’t have a chance (actually you do, but it’s probably <1%). Girls have a mindset of guys generally get placed into the dating potential category or the friends category, and if you end up in the friends category you are not going to be able to date her and should definitely not make a move on her until you get out of that category (which is possible, but usually takes more work than it’s worth).

You can get out of the dreaded *friends zone*, but be warned, it can diminish/ruin your friendship. To get out of that category you have to start acting less like the best friend and more like the guy she could possible date (duh! :p). First up, if you are not flirty or sexual (not physically, but able to discuss sexual topics with ease) with her, start doing that more often and start being more flirty right away. Being a strong man that is completely comfortable talking about sex and other *taboo* topics is probably the biggest things that separates the friends from the datable guys, guys that can be fun and naughty are much more interesting to date than the friendly conservative guy. Keep this up until you get some attraction from her (and can tell she’s stopped talking to you about her other relationships and being more of a potential date) then you can possibly take it further, just don’t ask her out before then. As you are doing this it may feel as if your close friendship is fading, simply because she will stop talking to you like her girl friends and start looking at you as more of a man (which is a good thing).

What if she is different?

Of course your girl may fall in between these categories, if that is the case, simply look at each then decide what you are going to do. The biggest tip I can give, and if you learn nothing else remember this: think of the future but don’t let it stop you. If you do like a girl and you may only be 25% sure she likes you back I say dive in anyway (unless it’s going to make things very awkward). If she rejects you, who cares! You can move onto other amazing girls without constantly being in a state of worry about this one girl (which in all honesty is a very bad mindset to be in.)

When asking a girl out, please don’t say anything lame like “will you go out with me”, it just sounds horrible and weak. Simply invite her out somewhere fun by yourselves. In my experience the very best place for a first date is a comedy night (as in standup comedy, most cities in the world have some on regularly), it gets you both laughing and having a fun time, you can have food and drinks, and have something to talk about. Get out there, give it a shot and enjoy yourself!

Cheers, Solace

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Hey Man,

Hope you enjoyed the first post on getting that special girl, and if there’s anything more you’d like to learn send me an email or post a comment on this blog and I’ll try and answer it on here for ya.

The issue of nervousness and anxiety talking to a stunning woman is a big problem, I know, I’ve been there before, yet there is a solution, and amazingly it can be learned in just a few minutes.

The first thing you must realize is that the problem is not that you don’t know what to say. I’m quite sure when you are with friends out and about you talk with them, you don’t sit there all nervous thinking things like “oh do they like me? Am I being cool enough? What do I say?” You simply say what you want to say and do what you like, and this is the first key to finding the right words when talking to the girl you like.

You see, it’s all up there in your mind, all those amazing stories, fun things you’ve done in your life, great things to talk about. You simply need to somehow get it out of your mind and verbalize those thoughts. To do this you need to do what is known as “thinking outside your head” or “being in state”, it’s where you stop thinking about anything at all and just start talking. When you live outside your head you start becoming less dependent on the result or outcome of what you said and you start being yourself.

The hard part is taking that first step, in fact it’s the hardest part of all, for once you turn off that little internal voice that is constantly telling you things you really don’t need to know, it’s a nice downhill slide into what I like to call happy joy joy land, that place where you get this high just from the experience of just being around beautiful women and you start to feel almost euphoric. Yep you probably experienced it last you had a major crush on a girl, remember how it seemed like every time you locked eyes you had this tingly good feeling. Imagine that all over again with the volume turned to 11.

To get into this state you must first hear that voice inside your head. Next time you’re talking to a girl do this: listen to yourself think, think about what you’re thinking about and realize what you are doing. You will find you probably have a lot of negative self talk going on in there, and it is this self talk that is causing you to feel the nerves and anxiety you feel when talking to women. Once you can finely tune in on the emotions you are feeling and realize what your brain is saying to you (generally things like “don’t screw up” or “don’t say that, that’s stupid”) you are ready for the next step.

Ok this step is probably best done with girls other than the one you like, for you will screw up, but the screw up is not a bad thing, it’s a learning process and you learn 100x from getting rejected by a girl than you do by not doing anything. The next step is to tune out all this negative self imaging and start saying ANYTHING that comes to mind, I don’t care if you just thought your toenails need clipping, just say it out loud! The point is not to become cool instantly; the point is to start living outside of your head. When you start blurting out everything without a second thought you will notice your mind shifts from constantly thinking about everything and overanalyzing situations, to simply being in the moment and coming along for the ride, rather than controlling your actions. Only once you start living outside your mind can you start to become a cool guy who knows exactly what to say, if you are still thinking inside your head you will still have that bad self talk telling you not to say anything at all and you will get nowhere.

After you have gotten outside of your mind and started to experiment with just saying anything you can start the next step, Self Amusement. Simply look at the person you’re talking to and start laughing, you don’t even need anything funny to laugh about, just make yourself laugh at absolutely nothing. If they ask what it is, laugh harder and start to shake your head like you’re saying no, at the same time telling them “Oh I can’t do that, you’ll stop doing it and I won’t have my source of amusement for the day”. This is the beginning of self amusement and once you have mastered the act of just making yourself laugh with anything you can instantly get in state at any time (more explained on this phenomenon later). Doing something in order to simply amuse yourself rather than others is extremely attractive to women and incredibly fun for you. The key here is to amuse YOURSELF, you are not trying to make her laugh you are simply having fun and poking fun at her. Keep practicing this self amusement with everyone you know, just doing silly things and laughing at them, if they don’t laugh with you WHO CARES, it’s more fun when you are having all the fun and pretty soon they will want to join in too.

Ok so now you think outside your head and can self amuse, what’s next? We’ll the next step is to put all this together and start doing it at the start of every conversation with a new girl you meet, even if you don’t know them from a bar of soap. Crack up laughing and do silly things (pull faces, make fun of things they are doing/wearing, whatever), what this will do is get you *in state* and being in state is one of the most powerful things ever.

When you are in state you are on a sort of high where you feel invincible (kind of like being drunk) and when you get into this state because of the immense amount of positive happy energy you are giving off, you can almost do no wrong. Imagine it being like that fun drunk dude you always see at the bar/party that is going around high fiving people and having a blast, be that guy (using the above methods) and have an awesome time no matter where you are or what you’re doing.

Once you can get into this state through self amusement and just having fun you will notice something magical, you start to realize that you can say just about anything and people will respond positively to it. It is at this point that you will realize that it really doesn’t matter what you have to say, it’s how you feel and how others feel about you at the time you say it. You can make the best joke in the world when you are not in state, being a normal everyday guy, and it may bomb, yet say a lame joke when you are in state and watch everyone crack up laughing. It’s really cool when you first experience this because it’s at this point that you finally start to realize you don’t need fancy lines or pickup tactics to get women, all you need is to be yourself in a happy, excited, fun state, doing what you want to do and caring little about what others think about you. For when you think about it, everyone is too busy worrying about what others think about them to think about others, so do what you like and simply have fun.

Finally once you have started using this ability to get in a fun, enjoyable state easily, do it when you are around the girl you’re interested in and you will notice her attraction spiking immensely. Every girl wants a fun, exciting guy to be with, be that man and the girl you desire will be all over you.

Stay tuned for Part 3: “Making the Move on the Girl, without breaking your friendship” in the coming days.

Cheers,

– Solace

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There are 7 core traits that every women love in men, and unfortunately 99% of guys don’t know about ANY of them, if you do, we’ll done, you’re a superstar amongst mere mortals.

Applying just one or two of these golden rules will have you with the ability to attract any women you desire, yes even that one you’ve had your eye on for quite some time, they key here is actually doing them, not simply reading then going back to World of Warcraft.

So what do they want?

To Be Approached
Most guys have this weird mental talk inside their heads that tells them “oh she just wants to be left alone, she wouldn’t want to talk to me” Rubbish! All Women desperately want a cool fun guy to just come up to them and sweep them off their feet, and the more guys they talk to, the more chance they have of meeting this perfect guy? Make sense? Good, onto the next rule.

A Strong Man
No I’m not talking about having huge guns. I’m talking about the kind of guy that knows what he wants, can be independent and survive without his girl and can make her feel safe and free from harm. Girls want a man that will make decisions when they are needed and will take care of her when out clubbing together. Coming right along with this is one of the other best traits to have:

Be a Leader
Women love leaders! Whether they be those high up in power, or rock stars leading an entire culture of music. You don’t literally have to be a leader of a group to be thought of as a leader, all you merely have to do is act like one. Take charge of your life, don’t let others push you around and make your own decisions on what you want to do.

A Sexual Beast
Comes without saying that women really do want a *Man* in the bedroom, not some sissy little boy. Placing yourself as the best source of sexual pleasure in a women’s mind is very very powerful. It’s hard to teach sex skills though a book so I’m going to say go ahead and learn the other 9 traits, then once you start getting laid like a rock star (no really you will be), come back and read this tip:

Incredible sex tip literally no guys know about:

Be More Dominant!

Seriously! Try it tonight if you have a girlfriend, or the next time you are with a women, act like the guys in porn movies (well sometimes they do go a bit extreme, don’t actually physically hurt her) and really rock the house, I’m 100% sure you will be very surprised to learn that 99% of women won’t freak out when you throw them against the wall and start making out, she will love it!

A Man with Ambition
Who really wants to date a guy who sits around on the couch watching TV, eating Twinkies all day? Or a World of Warcraft Addict? If you don’t have anything you are currently striving for then start here, you will never get any girl if you have no goals or ambitions in life, oh and aim big; guys that are striving to become a CEO are just as awesome as actual CEO’s.

A Man with A LIFE
If you rarely venture outside the house, get outside now! Do something, explore the world, and have things going on outside of your dating life. You don’t have to be a world professional snowboarder to be appealing, simply have a few hobbies you love, work you enjoy doing and go partying once in a while. A Girl never wants to be the sole center of attention to a man, they want guys who can give them a fun and exciting time, not the other way around. This ties in well with the next incredibly appealing trait:

Someone Fun!
Get out there, have some fun, go clubbing and make new friends, don’t go play soccer if you have no interest at all, but do find things that do interest you that you can meet new people at, even if it’s a gardening club, be interesting and do interesting things and you will forever have a plentiful supply of women who want to join your fun and eventful life.

There are 3 more very advanced ways to get girls lusting over you within just minutes of meeting you, as well as far more in depth knowledge on the above 7 traits in the free ebook, if you feel you’re ready for very advanced training (and please don’t download it if you’re not, you might get a bit freaked out), then go ahead and enter your name and email on the right and start reading and becoming *The Man*

Cheers,

– Solace
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Since starting LetsInspire I’ve noticed that there is a serious abundance of guys out there who have ‘this one girl’, the one amazing girl who eclipses all others in every sector of life and they *must* have. Because this is such a huge problem I’ve decided to dedicate create a full series to help all guys stuck in a similar rut.

If this is you, and you would really like a certain someone special to be in your life then listen up closely, I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you:

The good news is that you can have any girl you want.

The bad news is that you must realize this and live this reality of being able to date and attract any girl, which means not chasing just one girl. Confused? Don’t worry, all will be revealed.

Today I’m going to teach what is known as an abundance mindset, it’s a way of going about life where you simply know there are millions of women out there and there are always more fish in the sea. It is that amazing plateu up in the sky where you realize, unlike the majority of guys, that you don’t need just one girl, you also feel that sense of peace knowing that if the girl you desire doesn’t like you back, your life isn’t over, in fact when you have this mindset you’ll probably bounce back happier than ever.

The Abundance Mindset

The Abundance mindset is in my opinion, the most crucial skill you can ever have in attracting women into your life, whether you simply want to attract one girl, or date hundreds. Having a mindset of complete abundance just has a huge effect on your life in every area, especially with women. No longer do you have to feel there is only one girl for you, or your life is over. No longer will you live in fear of rejection or screwing up.

An Abundance mentality is where you know there are over 2 million women just in your city alone! And over 3 billion worldwide, and with that you realize that you have limitless potential, you are never ever going to run out of women to talk to, or have relationships with, and more than likely there is always going to be a better girl out there for you. When you start to realize this you become less attached to that *one girl* and you start to realize the potential in women all around you.

It is at this point that women notice you becoming more of a lone warrior, a man who doesn’t need women for validation, and they start becoming more attracted to you. You will probably also notice the girl you’re interested in becoming far more interested in you than before when you were clingy, needy, and attempting to please her in every way.

Believe it or not I actually used to have a belief about women that many men seem to have, and it went something like this “I don’t want to talk to or flirt with other women because the one girl I’m interested in will then become upset and not want to talk to me, and I will never have a chance with her”.

I can tell you right now that this belief is completely and utterly false. Never in my life have I had that happen to me or anyone else I know. In fact nearly every single time I’ve seen a guy flirt and date more than one girl at once, each girl thinks “We’ll this guy is fun and interesting, and I think he may be seeing other girls, I don’t want that, I want him to be ALL MINE!”, and they start working harder than ever in an attempt to show off how good they are, seeking his validation and attempting to appease him, rather than the other way around.

So how do you actually go about building this abundance mentality? We’ll the easiest way by far is… to have an abundance of women in your life. Now the great thing about this is that it doesn’t have to be girls you’re dating, in fact, you don’t even have to know them; you simply need to talk to a lot of women. Talk to them on the train/bus, waiting for the train/bus, at work, at school, out at pubs/club, at the shops.

You know who the best women to talk to are? The friends of the girl you like. Not only do you get to meet more women (who knows they may even be more amazing than the girl you like), but the girl you have feelings for will see that you’re not completely social awkward and will even start becoming jealous of her friends getting along with you, then will want to know you better too.
The reason why you need to talk to them is that when you are actually talking to them they sort of become *real*. While before when you are simply observing women they seem like objects outside of your reality, like they are on TV or in the movies, and when they are outside of your reality they aren’t contributing to your abundance mindset.

Once you start talking to women of all walks of life every single day you start to notice just how many of them there are around you, and you also begin to see that perhaps there are even more amazing girls than your *one special girl* out there for you. If there aren’t (and please don’t say “Oh there aren’t any girls as amazing as this one” if you hardly ever talk to other women) then of course you can always have your one special girl, and she will love you more than ever for not treating her like you’re her slave or her love puppy that hangs around constantly being clingy and annoying.

It really is hard to imagine having this mindset when you don’t have it already, and you may feel some resistance to thinking this way, as you still have this feeling that your one special girl is better than every other girl out there. Let me tell you as someone who’s been in the same position of having this one girl that I loved and adored who never loved me back for over 2 years; it’s amazing how much different life is after adopting this abundance mentality. Since I lost touch with that one special girl I’ve since met and dated many many equally or even more special girls who all are amazing in different ways, and I’d have to say I feel far, far happier now than I ever was when I was chasing that one girl.

So get out there, talk to other girls and start to realize that you can have any girl you desire, it is completely counter-intuitive but it is by far the best and easiest way to gather interest from that girl that desires you.

I’ll talk to you again with “Part 2: Getting over Nervousness and Knowing exactly what to say” in a few days.

Cheers, Solace

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Technorati Tags: Abundance Mentality, abundance mindset, oneitis

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First ever video! Wewt! Sure it’s not a hollywood production, but I thought video would be a much better way for you to learn and hopefully it helped me get the message across far better than just text.

If you have any questions or comments feel free to list them below or give me an email at solace@letsinspire.net, Don’t forget to subscribe on the right for more awesome free information and videos if you haven’t already, and enjoy!To recieve more amazing content like this every day Subscribe to our Newsletter for free Instantly. Every day you’ll recieve heaps of amazing content you won’t find anywhere else. Click here to Subscribe Now.

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