Lets Inspire

Social pressure is the driving force behind many of your actions. It’s probably the reason why you stutter and laugh uncontrollably when a beautiful woman stares at you or when you look down and avoid the stare of a police officer. It controls our actions because we feel the pressure bearing down on us and most of the time, we just crumble and succumb to it. Of course, this mechanism can be good: it can stop you getting in trouble or doing embarrassing things. However… a man who cannot resist social pressure is very unattractive.

Ideally, you want to become the source of social pressure. But its pretty ridiculous to think that you can read this article and start becoming super awesome alpha man ultra straight away. So here are a few tips for you to start developing your resistance to social pressure:

1. HOLD EYE CONTACT

HUGE. You have no chance of success in most social interactions if you cannot hold eye contact. Fortunately, everyone has a pair of eyes so you can practice holding eye contact with everyone you interact with. Practice with family, friends, shop attendants, waiters/waitresses and so on. Remember to keep your eyes relaxed with you keep eye contact otherwise you might look crazy or like you want to fight. Especially with other males.

2. AVOID FILLING UP EMPTY SPACE

Say you tell a joke. RESIST laughing at your own jokes straight away, until someone else laughs. The gap between your joke and when other people laugh is social pressure. This goes for talking too much as well. People who are insecure in themselves want to talk over silence because they can’t handle the social pressure.

Just learn to talk and then hold eye contact after you’ve said your bit. Then wait. The other person inevitably will say something to continue the conversation, its just normal. The same goes for jokes. Say the joke, eye contact and wait. It doesn’t matter if they don’t laugh (which would be rare). You were confident in the delivery and that’s what matters.

Don’t take this too far however, if you make a joke then stare at the person you are conversing with waiting for a response it comes across as very needy of approval, simply say what you like and if nobody laughs, who cares, move on and keep on talking.

3. USE EMPTY SPACE TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

Create your own spaces in conversation. For example, you’re talking to a particularly attractive woman and she tries to test you and throw you off guard by saying something like “you’re just a player who wants me for sex aren’t you?”. A perfectly effective way of dealing with this is holding eye contact with her and not responding at all until she smiles and goes, “What?!”. This can be used in many situations (I remember my parents using silence to a devastating effect when disciplining me).

4. MAINTAIN COMPOSURE

Firstly, a main key to body language is always to be relaxed and to restrict your movements to the necessary. I find that keeping that in mind, I don’t visibly react to most social pressure. It’s always important to remember that social pressure is mostly around to test your strength, if you always stay relaxed and composed, your voice is always at the same volume/quality and so on, it shows that you’re not really affected by social pressure.

5. DO SOMETHING CRAZY

You need to get used to receiving social pressure from everywhere. Go put yourself in situations which will test you, push yourself outside your comfort zone. Whether this is by approaching and talking to tons of women or by dancing in the middle of the street. Actually, go do both of those. The more exposure you have to social pressure, the better you will handle it provided you know how to.

I hope these tips help you along your way to your social goals. Feel free to email me questions or comments at feedback@letsinspire.NET and have a good day.

<3

shiftTo recieve more amazing content like this every day Subscribe to our Newsletter for free Instantly. Every day you’ll recieve heaps of amazing content you won’t find anywhere else. Click here to Subscribe Now.

Technorati Tags: easing anxiety, picking up women, removing anxiety

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Hey Man,

Hope you enjoyed the first post on getting that special girl, and if there’s anything more you’d like to learn send me an email or post a comment on this blog and I’ll try and answer it on here for ya.

The issue of nervousness and anxiety talking to a stunning woman is a big problem, I know, I’ve been there before, yet there is a solution, and amazingly it can be learned in just a few minutes.

The first thing you must realize is that the problem is not that you don’t know what to say. I’m quite sure when you are with friends out and about you talk with them, you don’t sit there all nervous thinking things like “oh do they like me? Am I being cool enough? What do I say?” You simply say what you want to say and do what you like, and this is the first key to finding the right words when talking to the girl you like.

You see, it’s all up there in your mind, all those amazing stories, fun things you’ve done in your life, great things to talk about. You simply need to somehow get it out of your mind and verbalize those thoughts. To do this you need to do what is known as “thinking outside your head” or “being in state”, it’s where you stop thinking about anything at all and just start talking. When you live outside your head you start becoming less dependent on the result or outcome of what you said and you start being yourself.

The hard part is taking that first step, in fact it’s the hardest part of all, for once you turn off that little internal voice that is constantly telling you things you really don’t need to know, it’s a nice downhill slide into what I like to call happy joy joy land, that place where you get this high just from the experience of just being around beautiful women and you start to feel almost euphoric. Yep you probably experienced it last you had a major crush on a girl, remember how it seemed like every time you locked eyes you had this tingly good feeling. Imagine that all over again with the volume turned to 11.

To get into this state you must first hear that voice inside your head. Next time you’re talking to a girl do this: listen to yourself think, think about what you’re thinking about and realize what you are doing. You will find you probably have a lot of negative self talk going on in there, and it is this self talk that is causing you to feel the nerves and anxiety you feel when talking to women. Once you can finely tune in on the emotions you are feeling and realize what your brain is saying to you (generally things like “don’t screw up” or “don’t say that, that’s stupid”) you are ready for the next step.

Ok this step is probably best done with girls other than the one you like, for you will screw up, but the screw up is not a bad thing, it’s a learning process and you learn 100x from getting rejected by a girl than you do by not doing anything. The next step is to tune out all this negative self imaging and start saying ANYTHING that comes to mind, I don’t care if you just thought your toenails need clipping, just say it out loud! The point is not to become cool instantly; the point is to start living outside of your head. When you start blurting out everything without a second thought you will notice your mind shifts from constantly thinking about everything and overanalyzing situations, to simply being in the moment and coming along for the ride, rather than controlling your actions. Only once you start living outside your mind can you start to become a cool guy who knows exactly what to say, if you are still thinking inside your head you will still have that bad self talk telling you not to say anything at all and you will get nowhere.

After you have gotten outside of your mind and started to experiment with just saying anything you can start the next step, Self Amusement. Simply look at the person you’re talking to and start laughing, you don’t even need anything funny to laugh about, just make yourself laugh at absolutely nothing. If they ask what it is, laugh harder and start to shake your head like you’re saying no, at the same time telling them “Oh I can’t do that, you’ll stop doing it and I won’t have my source of amusement for the day”. This is the beginning of self amusement and once you have mastered the act of just making yourself laugh with anything you can instantly get in state at any time (more explained on this phenomenon later). Doing something in order to simply amuse yourself rather than others is extremely attractive to women and incredibly fun for you. The key here is to amuse YOURSELF, you are not trying to make her laugh you are simply having fun and poking fun at her. Keep practicing this self amusement with everyone you know, just doing silly things and laughing at them, if they don’t laugh with you WHO CARES, it’s more fun when you are having all the fun and pretty soon they will want to join in too.

Ok so now you think outside your head and can self amuse, what’s next? We’ll the next step is to put all this together and start doing it at the start of every conversation with a new girl you meet, even if you don’t know them from a bar of soap. Crack up laughing and do silly things (pull faces, make fun of things they are doing/wearing, whatever), what this will do is get you *in state* and being in state is one of the most powerful things ever.

When you are in state you are on a sort of high where you feel invincible (kind of like being drunk) and when you get into this state because of the immense amount of positive happy energy you are giving off, you can almost do no wrong. Imagine it being like that fun drunk dude you always see at the bar/party that is going around high fiving people and having a blast, be that guy (using the above methods) and have an awesome time no matter where you are or what you’re doing.

Once you can get into this state through self amusement and just having fun you will notice something magical, you start to realize that you can say just about anything and people will respond positively to it. It is at this point that you will realize that it really doesn’t matter what you have to say, it’s how you feel and how others feel about you at the time you say it. You can make the best joke in the world when you are not in state, being a normal everyday guy, and it may bomb, yet say a lame joke when you are in state and watch everyone crack up laughing. It’s really cool when you first experience this because it’s at this point that you finally start to realize you don’t need fancy lines or pickup tactics to get women, all you need is to be yourself in a happy, excited, fun state, doing what you want to do and caring little about what others think about you. For when you think about it, everyone is too busy worrying about what others think about them to think about others, so do what you like and simply have fun.

Finally once you have started using this ability to get in a fun, enjoyable state easily, do it when you are around the girl you’re interested in and you will notice her attraction spiking immensely. Every girl wants a fun, exciting guy to be with, be that man and the girl you desire will be all over you.

Stay tuned for Part 3: “Making the Move on the Girl, without breaking your friendship” in the coming days.

Cheers,

– Solace

To recieve more amazing content like this every day Subscribe to our Newsletter for free Instantly. Every day you’ll recieve heaps of amazing content you won’t find anywhere else. Click here to Subscribe Now.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

First ever video! Wewt! Sure it’s not a hollywood production, but I thought video would be a much better way for you to learn and hopefully it helped me get the message across far better than just text.

If you have any questions or comments feel free to list them below or give me an email at solace@letsinspire.net, Don’t forget to subscribe on the right for more awesome free information and videos if you haven’t already, and enjoy!To recieve more amazing content like this every day Subscribe to our Newsletter for free Instantly. Every day you’ll recieve heaps of amazing content you won’t find anywhere else. Click here to Subscribe Now.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

You’re a polite individual. You say please and thank you, and treat people with decency and respect. However, for some reason this does not seem to have a positive influence on your social life – in fact, quite the opposite. You still feel awkward around your peers, tongue tied where others speak freely in social situations, and find the girls of your dreams walking straight past you, into the arms of the biggest jerk in the world.

Don’t worry. You’re not alone in your confusion. The difficulty you’re having comes from a misconception in what constitutes politeness itself.

Polite is not just what we generally accept it to be. There are, in fact, two forms of politeness.

The first is demonstrated in this exchange:

“Brenton, could you please pass me the salt?”
“Here you are”
“Thank you very much”
“You’re welcome”

This exchange demonstrates the first type of politeness. Being polite by following socially appropriate conventions of what is generally understood as ‘politeness’. It is often referred to as Positive Politeness. The mistake that so many make is thinking that this is the only legitimate type of politeness. This though, is a mistake. Observe the following exchange:

“Oi, chuck us the salt”
“Get it yourself you lazy bastard”
“Piss off, chuck us the salt”
“No. Get some exercise and grab it.”

At first this seems rude. However, if the two individuals are just friends engaging in light banter, we understand that no offense is meant. In fact, they are actively being polite to each other. This is called Negative Politeness.

To be polite we show respect to those we address. The first scenario demonstrates that we respect a person through using language that identifies them as being considered worthy of respect.

The second type of politeness is more useful to those we are socially intimate with. It demonstrates that we respect an individual through the way in which we use their own language, and willingness to treat them with a casualness that defines them as an equal.

What, though, does this mean for you? This answer is: Lots.

When you are meeting new people, potential friends, potential romantic partners, you are looking to develop a relationship that is on some level, intimate. This is why you have to use the second level of politeness.

Have you ever watched popular guys talking with people they’ve just met? There’s no messing around. They go straight in, handshake, pat on the back, whatever, launching straight into conversation like they’d known the new person for years. This forms bonds straight between the two of them. If you approach every new person with caution and distance then you may never cause a major social offense – but neither will you make close friends quickly. Caution and distance help you to develop cautious distant relationships. Acting friendly and forthcoming helps you develop friendly and forthcoming relationships.

Remember how I mentioned that the biggest jerk in the room seems to get the girl? Now you know why. There might be a difference between being a nice guy acting friendly with everyone, and just being a jerk and not caring who you crush into the dirt, but the difference is rarely obvious in social situations. If you don’t make friends with the pretty girl, then she’s just going to get dominated by the moron who knows all the moves to get into her pants.

Newsflash: Beautiful girls DO NOT NEED ANY MORE GROVELERS! They have plenty of them. They are used to the first level of politeness being the norm. You need the second level to get their attention. Remember what you’re trying to do here – develop an intimate relationship (strong friendship or romantic). You would never treat your mates as though they were better than you. As tempting as it may be, the same applies for lovely ladies – always stay as an equal, not treating them as a Goddess. Jerks succeed at this because they have no regard for the value of other people, so they never treat anyone as being valuable. You however, can do this because you have class.

OK, so, lets go over the main points.

• Politeness as treating others as equals NOT as superiors. If you act socially like someone is above you, they will treat you like you’re below them. This is a lose-lose situation. If you act as an equal, you will be considered and treated as one.
• Be a friend NOT an acquaintance. We gather up acquaintances all through our lives, and most of them are fairly replaceable. Nobody wants to put effort into keeping acquaintances, so don’t act like one.
• Be insulting NOT complementary. This is a bit tricky. When I say this I don’t mean directing unflattering comments about the shape of the head of the first person you meet. I mean two things – firstly, don’t be afraid of playful banter. Friendships thrive on being able to take a joke and give as good as they get. Secondly, don’t overdo the compliments. People will either get tired of your flattery (and possibly suspect you of being a stalker) or take it to heart and consider themselves way out of your league. Neither of these is good. At all.
• Be reckless NOT cautious. It’s always tempting to feel out a situation before you act. However, while you’re busy working out if you should ask the girl of your dreams out or not while tentatively trying to gather a signal from her as to whether you should, the girl of your dreams is loosing faith in the hope that you will ever ask her out, and moving on to stupid jerk guy. Just act, move in, say something, be noticed. Unless you do, you might as well be a part of the furniture.
• Be a Rock Star NOT a Groupie. Beautiful girls have enough Groupies swarming to ogle them. What you need to be is a rock star, confident, public, fun, chatty (but not blabbering).

So, you don’t have to stop being polite for social and romantic success. You just have to remember that politeness is more that following specific social rules and regulations. It’s a way of putting others at ease and showing them you respect them. And, for goodness sake, enjoying it.To recieve more amazing content like this every day Subscribe to our Newsletter for free Instantly. Every day you’ll recieve heaps of amazing content you won’t find anywhere else. Click here to Subscribe Now.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!