No no no, I haven’t had a change of heart and suddenly realized women want looks just as much as men, because they don’t, and if you think they do… we’ll your beliefs are about to be explained.
I’ve been thinking about the looks issue a lot lately, and it’s never really seemed to just click into my reality. I hear Tyler Durden in RSD’s Blueprints explaining deeply that looks DO NOT Matter, they aren’t even a good bonus to have with women, and it was only a tiny percentage of women that would hook up with a guy just because of his looks.
This really didn’t click with my reality as when I’ve gone out clubbing nearly every one of my female friends would hook up with guys just because they are cute/hot without saying a word. I was thinking, “hey wait… is Tyler actually wrong about something… I mean he’s been with a lot more girls than I have, maybe my perception is wrong”. It was then I realized the key thing I was overlooking, and was completely blown away by how simple this issue is, and that is:
Women Will Prejudge you based on your looks!
Yep, it’s not that you look good, it’s the fact that they see guys and immediately within seconds figure out where he is placed in society, whether he is preselected (by being cute), whether he is dominant and a leader (by being bigger than the other guys), whether he is some kind of rockstar/celebrity (by dressing like one) etc. It’s kind of like having a pre-conversation with the guy simply based on how he looks.
This also explains why looks completely do not matter when you begin actually talking to a girl. Previously it was hard to explain the phenomenon of when 2 guys are competing over the one girl, one extremely hot and one average/ugly looking, if the ugly looking guy has even slightly better game than the hot guy he will get the girl. We as guys see this and immediately believe “oh looks just don’t matter at all”, when in fact we’ve just generalized and because of that fail to see where looking good can actually help us out.
The girl will simply prejudge both the guys and place the hot guy higher on the social ladder with more of the traits she enjoys, and she may even hook up with the hot guy without saying a word because of what she believes, but once she talks to both for a while she will judge them more on what they really are rather than prejudice and looks WILL NOT come into the equation.
Thinking about it further, it really doesn’t matter if you dress up as a rock star/pimp etc when you go out as all it simply does is changes how you feel about yourself and girls respond to that, they will prejudge you and you may get a few easy make outs however once you begin talking and getting to know each other what you look like doesn’t even come into the equation.
A lot of my female friends have been chatting up guys in clubs and have come back to me saying “I wish that guy would just shut up, it would be so much hotter”. The guy was hot and she simply wanted to live in their own dream world where the guy had all the traits she desired, as soon as he opened his mouth however she could see the real him and the fact that he was incredibly hot didn’t matter one bit.
It’s amazing seeing this discovery as you can start to realize that if you get better at being with women you can get that woman you desire no matter how hot the other guys pawing over her are. Simply because after just 10 minutes of conversation what you look like fades into nothingness and the emotions she feels will simply come from what you say and how you act (body language etc).
This really fits into my reality as well as that of what Tyler was mentioning on blueprints and in my opinion explains exactly how the looks game works for men. Is this true for you?
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July 20th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
This makes total sense to me. I look as good as any guy out there. Models, Hollywood Actors, Rockstars you name it, i’m in that ‘league’ when simply comparing superficial apperances.
Know what though? Something that use to really infuriate me. I would get all this attention but at some point I had to act, I had to say something and oh how quickly things could go pear shaped! Not because I was a dumbass and communicated like a retard but my ‘being’ didn’t match my looks. I didnt live up to there percieved notion of how I should act based on my physical traits. It’s as if I ‘ruined there fantasy’ as a great PUA from back in the days once said.
Hot women are able to sense that something is ‘up with the goods’ and it only takes the slightest bit of incongurence and your pretty much toast!
So yeah Tyler is write but I also think some of it is marketing spiel for his products. There is DEFINETLY a genetic/evolutionary component where people of similiar apperances are automatically, even naturally, attracted to each other. I have witnessed and experienced this myself on rare occassions and the interaction is effortless. I say rare because, since I am so good looking and due to geographical limitations (i.e severe shortage of extreme hotties) I don’t come across many women who I have that experience with and end up trying to meet women who are ‘beneath’ me. They know it, you know it, and unless you come across in a very sexual way from the get go, (like you know you are way out of there league but it might just be there lucky day) it’s probably not going to go anywhere.
I guess even that is a belief that you are of higher value and is so more internal. But i’m just going around in circles now.
So yes looks DO MATTER and they DON’T MATTER. Depends on the individual.