Wrestling with your Emotions

August 23rd, 2007

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Something I’ve come to terms with over my life is that I (and I know many other humans, especially girls) am a highly emotional creature. I’ve realized this when reading an article from a good friend, he was discussing how often most people stick with one relationship even if they don’t like it that much and keep it going till it dies because they feel fearful of going out and just don’t feel right meeting new people and working on their dating skills. So they stick around till it dies out, then about 2 days to a month after the breakup they start to feel a sense of loss or an insatiable sex drive and start getting emotional, their emotions are telling them to go out and meet new people. So they go out a few nights, meet one girl/guy then decide to settle down again because they don’t feel this emotional need anymore… and so the cycle continues.

This is what is known as being reactive rather than proactive and is often one of many people’s fatal flaws. Being reactive to events is where you feel lacking in some area of your life and your emotions (not your logic) tell you to fix it, of course you backwards rationalise this with logic so it all makes sense in your mind. All too often you start something such as going to the gym, get to a point where your ok with how your look but not the best you could be and your emotions fade away simply because your ok now and you don’t NEED to put in any more work, so you don’t, and you just sit at that weight. Then a few months down the track after giving up on the gym the weight begins to slip back on again, you gain a few KG and start feeling bad about yourself, so you go to the gym again, get to an ok level, and then rest, repeating the cycle. This is taking a reactive approach to life and it generally involves moving away from the bad but never pushing your boundaries to go further than above average, and in turn not accomplishing what you’d really like to accomplish.

Being proactive on the other hand is taking a more logical route to life. It involves planning ahead and sticking to that plan no matter what happens, whether you feel depressed, sick or tired, whether the rain is rain, hail or snow you will stick with that plan. Pro-activeness is a rare quality found in very few people (because it is a logical process we haven’t evolved into this higher state of being yet) and it is one of the things that everyone who is successful in any endeavour of life has acquired. Attaining Pro-activeness is not an easy task (as the reason why 99% of people are reactive, to varying degrees) and requires much time and dedication to acquire.

Not all hope is lost however, for it can be done quite simply with the use of self discipline, goal setting and taking the reigns of your logic in order to control your emotions. One of the first steps is to try doing easy tasks and disciplining yourself to do them no matter what happens, whether you feel tired, moody, upset, anything, you still do those tasks. One such easy task that most should be able to accomplish is getting out of bed and showering every morning. Believe it or not this does require self discipline and being able to do it means you are somewhat proactive, congratulations :). Once this is accomplished the next task should be something bigger, try getting out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off every morning and set it for an early-ish time (4pm doesn’t count). Once you’ve accomplished this you can move onto bigger and better goals involving more than just a morning start, perhaps you’d like to write a book, do stand-up comedy, or craft the perfect body it’s all easily possible with self-discipline and being proactive.

The key is not to try and start too big, your proactive muscles are just like your physical muscles, trying to organise your entire day to doing highly productive tasks and never slipping when you can’t even get out of bed before midday is akin to going to the gym and stacking 200kg on the bench-press, your not going to get anywhere and will just cause yourself to feel bad if you don’t accomplish these tasks. Instead start small and build your proactive muscles, keep going with these small tasks and once you’ve accomplished them move onto something bigger and more productive. In no time at all you’ll find yourself having more free time (because you did what you needed to do when you said you would rather than procrastinating half the day), you’ll be better off than ever before (accomplishing what you really want to accomplish). You’ll genuinely feel happier and better about life, as your no longer a slave to your emotions and you can do what you want, when you want and get it done with ease.

Use your logic rather than your emotions when making decisions and you’ll find yourself accomplishing all that you’ve ever dreamed of. Plan ahead and set goals then stick to them, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t achieve them, simply take smaller baby steps towards your goal rather than trying to tackle it all at once. Finally work your proactive self discipline muscles each and every day and you’ll find yourself going places you’ve never ever dreamed of going before.

Have fun,

– Solace

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